Spring Equinox

 

A surreal pandemic has surpassed a year. I lament the loss of a latest lover. Life thrives still, work, pink blossoms budding, new insights born of extra time, quarantine, and drastically altered socialization. 

Nearly every day I think of writing, influencing, posting. I've taken a few years off from blogging. This risky exposure. Feeding me. Voice speaking. Thoughts unwilling to resonate in a chamber alone. Thoughts that, for the collective, need witnessed. Taboos better off discussed. If anything for the brain vessel. 

Writers have always intrigued me. Ernest Hemmingway. Pablo Neruda. Carl Jung. Mahatma Gandhi. Isabel Allende. Irvin Yalom. Penning or typing away in their offices in the morning. Consistent routine. One of the great influences within the species. Or at least for our neighbors, circles, and maybe a couple generations. More than legacy - it's influence and visibility that important for me. 

When we cause a ripple in the water, or see our reflection, autonomy, we observe satisfyingly how our presence is actually factual and has an impact... perhaps this reflection compensates for the also-factual knowledge that I am nothing, forgettable, and of little consequence. Both are true. 

And so I write. 

innertaboo.blogspot.com to innertaboo.com

a friend's coffee mug

This is the last post you'll see here. All new blogging will be done at the below link.

I made the decision to transition to a .com several months ago. This will make it easier to remember, and allow readers to bypass the content warning page. Please use the below link to head over to the new site!

innertaboo.com

The new blog site is still not all fleshed out. It might not feel quite like home yet. In fact it will take me a while to transition everything over, plus the near-daily continual new posts. But you will begin to see several new directions that add content and value, I hope.

summer time

Dmitry Zhilinsky, Bathing soldiers (The builders of a bridge), 1959

Normally Washingtonians, I'm told, have a cooler air about them, to match the temperateness of the Northwest. But come summer everyone warms up a bit - matching the rising barometer. People who would normally hunker in with their coffee are now eager to make invitations to get outside together.

It's not just about getting out in nature, it's also about being more social.

I grew up in various South American nations where the warmth of the climate was definitely reflected in the cultural warmth. Interesting parallels.

compassion course

Several months ago I noticed that some of my co-workers seemed afraid of me. Or at least unsure of how to deal with me.

I didn't know how to deal with my anger. My best attempts seemed frustrating for both parties at best. I see that this is a common theme for many young men, men in general, and even society in general.

I stumbled across this compassion course online and signed up for it. It's provided me several new understandings and skills already to begin this journey.

"The lessons explain and demonstrate ways of thinking, speaking and acting that allow us to get through conflict without hurting or hating."

"In the same way that we humans have developed other technologies, the technology of compassion has developed too. The course provides clear ideas and practices to help us experience more compassion, connection and fun. That said, it is challenging and calls on our perseverance, practice, focus and dedication."

You have until July 2 to sign up for this year's round of this online course. I don't have any financial interest in this group, just think its a priceless gift.

bert and ernie

Bert and Ernie have been watched in the West by kids for decades. Their close friendship has sparked all sorts of fantasies and speculation :).

Will we ever know?

don't push

Don't push!

Pushing during defecation as a lifestyle can lead to hemorrhoids, which are the rupturing or swelling of blood vessels in the area.

More than 75% of Americans will have hemorrhoids at some point in their lives. Part of this is because of our culture of urgency, in which everything must happen now. It is recommended that a person sit and let a bowel movement come naturally.

The absence of fiber in a diet can also cause hardened stool, also possibly increasing hemorrhoid occurrence.

I thought of this as a friend talked to me about his hernia, and I recommended that he not do any strenuous pushing. I wish that this was a fact taught in schools and known by the mainstream. Why don't they teach these important things in schools? Such simple solutions or helps.

My work in healthcare exposes me to interesting cases, seeing rectal prolapse, polyps, and variations in individuals and medical conditions and heredities. Growing up in a medical household, I browsed anatomy diagrams from a young age, showing profound abnormalities in pictures. While initially repelled somewhat, it was something that also intrigued me. Curiosity for what's beneath our skin, and the beauty of the human system is a recurring theme.

The above diagram, for example, reveals that the descending colon is on the LEFT. In hospitals we encourage bed-bound patients who need to encourage a bowel movement to lay on their left side, assisting the natural curvature and flow.

My mind also asks questions, like, is there an increased risk of rectal prolapse in gay men who have a lot of rectal sex? How is the anal sphincter affected in the long term with certain kinds of activities? Does the use of lubricants and gentle relaxation exercises with toys - like incremental dildos - decrease the incidence of problems?

 Greater research in the areas of our populations and sub-populations is needed. Still, much is known that can be helpful.

journal: fucked, island, mentee

pictures from my first studio erotic shoot
by a talented local photographer -
JayBee, website: frisky frolic 

8:03 a.m. saturday: frottage sex with giggly honey - turned to raw aggressive energy - very satisfying

1:47 p.m. monday: gift sex - fucked by biggest cock I've probably ever taken - on my way there in the car sat on my dildo - only increased how horny I felt

11:22 a.m. thursday: islander closeted ripped guy - who was probably a gemini - hungry roll and mutual beat off

5:23 p.m. thursday: conversation with mentee-like friend visiting us for the weekend. I was so happy to hear him repeating some of the phrases I told him 3-4 years ago, like "nobody owns me," "I told my boyfriend from the start...". This from a sexy man who used to get hit by his boyfriend, told what he could and could not do, and hid his polyamorous nature. He can sure talk a blue-streak, has a heart of gold to build others up, and a sex drive like the energizer bunny.

10:11 p.m. friday: post erotic photo shoot jack off in the shower with muscled busy sweet friend with huge heart

7: 55: a.m. saturday: horny quickie with partner, pseudo-fucking. So glad to connect before a busy weekend of hosting and social fun.

weeping intercourse

Wow, it's been three days since I blogged. I normally don't let that much time go, but we had guests in, body-painting for the local naked bike parade (pictures coming soon), hosting a little dinner, a photo shoot, and other weekend events. I finally got to my computer!

* * *

Have you ever cried from the emotion of sexual intercourse? I don't mean from any pain. I mean from the sense of emotional or cosmic intimacy.

I had dated him for several months, and he was the first man I'd allowed myself to love this much. I'd intentionally opened my heart to the vulnerability. This knowing that I was taking a risk of heartbreak.

A few months into it I sensed that it would not last. But we loved each other so deeply. I'd never loved anyone this much.

Mostly I topped him when it came to intercourse. On two or three occasions when he was topping me, gentle, looking into my eyes, we panting with the magic, I wept both because I loved him so much, and also thinking of the tragedy that was soon to come - our separation. Grief for a loss that was coming, but was not yet. Loving him to my heart's bursting.

He'd wipe my tears and cry too. Great drops landing on my face.

I love that man to this day. It would not work. AND that does not diminish the spot that he has in my heart forever.