I don't own you, and other principles of love

There are several principles that allow us to function as a polyamorous couple. They are definitely not our creations, we've gotten then from others at workshops, circles, conversations, and books.

1. I don't own you. You don't own me. I don't own where your eyes look. I don't own your behaviors, or your emotions, your clothing choices. Just because we've chosen to be together doesn't mean that somehow I decide things for you or own you. Slavery ended a while ago. You are your own free person with your own emotions, choices, friendships, and sometimes sexual partners.
2. We don't ask permission. We let eachother know, coordinate, and plan. If I really want to do something - meet with someone, exercise for an hour, take a trip, eat a burger, I don't ask permission. I do it. Because we love each other and consider each other in our decisions, we want to tell each other, and arrange a time when its convenient for the both of us. Calendar. Schedule together. We consider ourselves two equal, powerful adults.
3. My psyche is no longer just me. You are a part of my psyche, we are a unit together. When I make decisions I want to accomodate you, and bring you happiness. As such, though the previous point sound really individualistic, and is, and remains true, it is tempered by the fact that you are a part of my thoughts and wants. You are in my mind and heart when I plan my life. I consult you.
4. I know what I want and I ask for it. I might not get it, but I ask for it, knowing that I'll be more likely to get it.
5. Radical communication. Frequently. We tell it like it is in our hearts. We don't preach at eachother, but we tell eachother what's going on for us. We do the hard work that it takes to make an excellent relationship. We take this risk, and become vulnerable to each other. We remain civilized, and have learned to speak in language without blame. This, perhaps more than anything, has paid big dividends and brought us amazingly close. Often we are surprised by what's going on in the other's heart and mind. And most often endearingly surprised. It's hard. It's worth it.
6. I want an excellent relationship. I won't settle for a mediocre relationship. In fact, I insist on an excellent relationship. I'm willing to do the work for it to be excellent between us.

7. Love is a decision, not just a feeling. Even when I don't feel like it, I'll treat you in loving respectful ways. Because I've decided that you're one that I love. And when I act lovingly I usually feel loving towards you.

8. Amazing = amazing. Unsatisfying = unsatisfying. According to the book Sex Diaries, most people that SAY they have amazing sexual relationships, really do have them, consistently. People that always say they have unsatisfying sex, dull relationships, confrontational ones, or elusive ones, really do have them, consistently. In short, the type of sex we have is often a reflection of our attitudes. Its a pattern the author noticed in the thousands of diaries she gathered. People usually don't have a huge mix of good and bad sexual experiences. They're usually either characteristically amazing, or characteristically unsatisfying, statistically.