silly

Hiking yesterday...
and ran across a sign that sparked a photo opportunity... 

kindness

Kindness gets me so hard!  
(in the bed)

sexventures

I'd planned on going to the gay club in Buenos Aires for months. I love dancing. I love looking at cute guys.

I arrived with a travel buddy at about 2 a.m., when we were told that things would just be getting started. The place was already full, and within the hour it became packed. It was nice to see the men of this city, up close and personal. There was not a single woman in the club - except for the security lady up front - unlike clubs up in North America.

We walked around and found a spot to dance - next to some guys that my travel buddy was interested in talking to. Various rooms had different music styles, and ours was 80's dance. I immediately was enjoying myself dancing. I find that these days I surrender easily to the beats of dance music. Two cute smaller guys - thin and handsome - started checking me out and smiling. The more daring one "accidentally" brushed up against me - not hard to do on a crowded dance floor - a few times. I moved in, and soon we were grinding playfully.

Grinding is pretty common in many dance clubs - gay or straight - in the U.S. I think it might actually be more common because of the presence of many straight women in the clubs, who often love dancing with gay guys. It takes on a more playful flirty tone often, devoid of any expectation of completion (consumation later), especially between the two parties mentioned.

But here it was all guys - and I noticed that I was the only one doing any grinding. Now mind you this was no house of innocence, but still I felt like I was on the edge. Marcos - I'll call him - and I enjoyed the music, and pretty soon he'd kissed me a couple of times. His shyer friend disappeared (unfortunately :)). Within a few minutes he took me by the hand and led me upstairs.

Here was a darker room with a few cushioned benches. We enjoyed kissing and making out, groping, and talking a little. Marcos was so sexy! Soon the pant flys were down, and I learned some new Spanish vocabulary: "Cojer" is to fuck, "activo" is active, or top, and "pasivo" is passive or bottom. We didn't actually do it, but got close. Marcos wanted to save the energy, and I was good with whatever outcome or not.

We headed back to the dance floors, and I thoroughly enjoyed the electronica mixes room. I met a circle of Marcos' friends and danced with them most of the night. Occassionally I'd see my travel buddy, who was scoring with one of the guys he'd met, and check in briefly. There's something awesome and mindless about giving oneself to dancing - and enjoying and taking in the sights. In this case there were alot of beautiful sights.

Marcos and the others shared drinks and increasingly got friskier. He also got a bit more possessive and bold. He jumped up on a prop with two other guys dancing - enjoying being seen. But then he felt like he had to bend down and kiss me every other minute - as if claiming me. The energy was not - "I like you" - it was - "Is everyone watching me?" - eyes darting to the side. He was still cute and sexy, I still felt attracted, but didn't like the weirdness. By now I started wondering how to gracefully exit the picture. Some of his friends were ass-grabbing and trying to sneak a kiss - all things which I don't mind - but which aren't so hot (to me) from someone who's stumbing around.

Marcos and I again went upstairs, it was approaching 5 a.m. and he wanted to get laid before the night was out. I kinda wanted to see how the dark room upstairs was at this time - and it was packed. Guys standing 6-deep, a few jerking off and grabbing, and a lot of spectators. Marcos pulled out a condom and put it on me, and inserted himself - butt first - onto me. But I wasn't feeling it really - too much grabbing and too many hands - and Marcos now more insistent and less sweet. The erection waned, and I pulled out. Had I been hard I might have finished it. But conditions didn't align and for whatever reasons - known and unknown - it didn't work.

He was hot and heavy on a mission. We went downstairs back to the packed dance floors and said goodbye. It was time to meet up with my travel buddy and head back to the hotel to sleep. I found him within a few minutes and we headed out.

Both of us were impressed with the club and the guys, but a bit disillusioned with the guys we'd spent the last three hours with. The experience was a mixed one, but one that I'd repeat, with a few things learned, and one that I'm glad we did. I learned a few things about myself - what I like and don't like. All in all though I went to dance and enjoy - and that is primarily what I did. The little sex experience on the side was a nice adventure for the most part - except for the ending. Next time maybe I'll just end something like that a bit earlier. Or cum the first time :). Just dancing might have been fine too. It was great to experience another world city scene.

anger

Learning to feel my emotions and recognize where they sit in my body is one of the great discoveries of these last few years. Emotions like: anger, joy, sadness, fear.

Anger I'd particularly shied away from and judged. But it kept coming back, around different experiences in life. I talked to a dreams counselor about this. Besides being particularly cute, he's also incredibly wise. He said, "you're pretty good with sadness, you're comfortable with that. Somehow you judge that as okay, as holy, as acceptable. But you're not okay with anger. When it comes up you push it away. Judge it. 

"Anger is like fire. On the one hand it can destroy a house, burn it down. On the other it can warm up an entire house from the inside. Just depends on how you use it. Yes it can be destructive, but it can also be creative and blessing.

"So next time you are angry, don't judge it. Let 'anger' come and sit next to you. Listen to what 'anger' has to say. Anger is trying to tell you something important." 

So I have. I made it one of my passwords on a frequent app, so that I think about it. My anger has given me the fuel to speak up when I otherwise would let others speak over me. It feels good. It feels powerful. Like today, when my boss spoke to me negatively about an issue - and I defended myself. Respectfully and civilly, but I allowed my anger to be with me while I spoke. I didn't push it away. 

I think people respect that. When a man speaks in his power... even when a man roars, there is a certain attraction and admiration for their allowing their wildness some expression. That they dared. In the face of a very domesticated world that tries to stomp out primitiveness, or rawness, or anger. 

Young men wander our big city streets in packs or alone, angry, easily sparked to violence. There is alot of pain that people don't know what to do with... and when it become unacceptable to express anger, it stays down under, until it explodes sloppily later. Why not channel and address it? This great primal energy that keeps visiting us? 

Journal 

Much of the purpose of this blog is like a journal. Yes a public one, with some consideration of the readers, and their likes and dislikes. But ultimately this is a personal journey in which I must remain true to my own inner story. It serves me nothing to posture and pretend. There's enough of that already in the world. This is a place where I explore my rawness. And I think my doing so gives others permission to introspect honestly too. 

Sex

So anger in the bedroom? Where does anger - which sometimes I equate with the feeling of being powerful - and boundary-setting - come up in my sex experiences? 

You ever heard the expression: fuck you!!!  ? 

How about literally? 

*Wyoming Backpacker - Lean Muscley Pounder 

On the outside he's a nice and sarcastic flirtatious guy. Full of energy. Works out a ton. A great friend, I very much enjoy his company. Yet I have a hunch too that he's got a fair amount of recurring anger. Certain events in life not going right, in fact working out disastrously. One after another. 

The time I most sensed - and enjoyed - his anger sexually was when we were on a bed flip-flopping / wrestling with full erections, pinning each other. He told me that he gets all sorts of guys that just want to get pounded. "I don't know what it is, they just want to be pounded good and hard." One young sexy trucker just wanted to be fucked, and fucked hard and long. So Wyoming Backpacker fucked him long and hard, and both of them loved it. The thought passed through my head, "Damn, I wish I was a natural bottom, I'd love to experience him pounding me a good while too!" 

I think in his head, whether consciously or subconsciously, goes the thought, "Well, many men in this world have fucked me over. And tonight, you represent part of these men. I'm going to fuck you now hard. You're really going to get it. My groin is going to hit your ass loudly. Aaarrrgh. I'm going to physically take out my pent up energy on you, through my hard cock thrusting your willing ass." During glimpses and flashes in the hot and sweaty sex, this primal anger lives strong - and in this case is a blessing. Of course its combined with other energies: lust, affection, excitement, happiness... none of which diminish anger's potency. 

Seeing this hard sword-like energy on top of him, that young sexy trucker dude, looking up at Wyoming Backpacker's face and body as he gets pounded, must get even more turned on... admire even further the stamina and lust coming his way... eventually filling him up. I've experienced this as I look at the faces of men engaged in hot and heavy sex. And it thrills me in the middle of it. 

My turn 

So imagine my lustful delight when Wyoming Backpacker conceded to have me penetrate him, which he normally doesn't do that often, and roll him up like a pin-cushion under me, his beautiful hairy legs up in the air. I was surprised at the feeling of anger - and power - and lust - and "taking him" - competitive drive - that accompanied what was also a consensual and gentlemanly exchange with lots of communication. Anger? Yes, it was there. And it drove me and my thrusting. I count this among one of my hottest sexual experiences, definitely among the top five. Me thrusting my friend, the Lean Muscley Pounder. In my mind, I'm somewhat hesitant to say, was going on some of, "take that you fucker. You think you're so hot, well I'll show you... damn you're hot... ha!... me taking you!... damn I'm good, damn I love you, damn I'm glad to be alive." And a sense of euphoria and power. 

He took it for a couple of minutes, then asked to switch. It was all he could take physically. 

We did. Damn I loved having him take me. He preferred me doggy style, on all fours. I took him as long as I could, which was much less than I wanted to energetically... before asking him to pull out. Damn I wish I could have taken him more. 

We finished, if I remember, jacking each other off in various odd and hot embraces. Bodies twisting, maximizing pleasure. 

Anger

Anger, like a fire, was an essential and heavenly part of this sexual experience. Anger, when used to warm the belly of human experience - creatively - is amazing. I want anger to transform my experience. Anger gives me power. Anger is risky, sometimes dangerous. Anger can be destruction. Anger emboldens me to tell the truth in my relationships. I admire and fear anger. All said, anger is part of being alive. 

So I try to suspend judgement for a moment - and listen - and learn. 

*I often change some details about my friends here, to preserve their confidentiality, like the state they are from, or the color of their hair, their profession. Sometimes, in a different post, I'll refer to the same guy with a slightly or totally different descriptor, depending on the energy I want to accentuate or describe. Like Superman Shoulders College Bottom could in another post be Curious Naked Photographer Getting Random Goofy Penetration Closeups. Also, several of these sexy guys read my blog from time to time. So of necessity and out of the deep sense of honor that I feel for these guys, I want to be flattering, as discrete as wanted, and still truthful as a journal experience. 

everything in the world

"Everything in the world is about sex

except sex. 

Sex is about power." 

- Oscar Wilde 

This comment struck me.

So much of what our society does is about sex: advertising, entertainment, what's on the news, online traffic.

And then the very act of sex, when in the middle of it, seems to be about something else: maybe that elusive intimacy, or need-fulfillment, or divine transcendent experience, or just fun.

And I agree with sex being about power, but perhaps not in the way that most people think of it... which would be a competitive measurement about me or you having more than the other.

I think of power as residing in all of us. All different kinds of powers, energies, and forces. And sex is an optimal place to stream those powers. To become aware of my wild man, my blessor, the endless appetite that originates somewhere outside and underneath of me and flows through me, that primitive groin that just wants to fuck fuck fuck, the playful experimental side that wants to try new positions / creations, that endless compassion that caresses, embraces, receives, and gives. And then I see these powers in my partners. And I am glad. Alive.

june 30 - july 5

• saturday the 30th: camped - great times in tent with Longtime Flirty Friend Who's Like My Brother and Lucious Lips Construction Guy - amazing sunshine at lakeside 

• tuesday the 3rd: guest bed pounding sex with The Man of My Dreams Who I Happen To Live With 

• thursday the 5th: first orgy I planned in this city - with Tantric Student Who Inner-Orgasms, Muscle Shaven Head International Traveler, and Yoga Lanky Guy Who I Now Kinda Have A Crush On. This was a pretty diverse group of guys, and everyone got along so well. And I bottomed for all three, a first!

weekend camping

the first day was wet but picturesque

the second day we found an ideal sunny spot