how to organize an orgy

What do you have in mind? How many? Doing what? What type of guys? Where? To come up with something specific, think specifically what you want.

It takes usually a minimum of about 20 hours for me to plan a group play, sometimes double that or more. Most of this time is spent online or with the phone contacting guys personally. I have in mind a certain type of guy: fit, sexy, and friendly. If I get weird vibes socially from the guy's profile, or interacting with him via email/text, then I don't invite him. I don't give out my address until we've interacted a bit - to feel him out. For example, I had one guy demand, literally, that he be the only bottom. He wanted to be "gang fucked," he said. While he was phenomenally hot, I told him directly that the world did not rotate around him, and that there were other guys who might want to bottom. Obviously he didn't get the address. I want friendly, hopefully easy to talk to guys, no drama, just fun. And that's what we've had.

Some of the sites that I use are dudesnude, grindr, adam4adam, manhunt, and even facebook. Occasionally I've put up an ad on craigslist with pictures (key factor), and gotten good responses there, stating clearly my intentions and parameters. Parameters are more energetic than dogmatic. For example, "fit and socially friendly" not "only 25-35 y.o.." There's nothing wrong with very specific, some people prefer it that way. I just find that by being open to individuals I've often been pleasantly surprised.

I interact with each guy personally. This helps me discern his energy a bit. It also makes it more personal and real. I set the tone from here. And the guys invest themselves. If we've interacted a few times, a guy is less likely to blow me off. If he needs to change plans, he'll usually contact me and let me know.

It's also a numbers game. Invite a large number, and expect only a percentage of those to show up. I never know exactly how many will come. I have a general idea, after doing this a few times, but still it is a continual exercise in letting go of specific expectations. Create intentions and spaces, and let specific outcomes show up as they may. I've always been rewarded.

I start as much as a month before, but the sweet period seems to be about two weeks before. I invite guys, start making a list of "yes" "maybe's" and "no's." A few days before I send a personal text or email to each of the guys letting them know I'm looking forward to seeing them. A couple lines. And to many the day of the event, or the day previous. A one or two-lines.

I make sure the space if comfortable. Dark and colored sheets and pillow cases to protect my furniture. Condoms and lube for everyone. Lighting, music in the background, garbage cans tucked around the corner. Water, or drinks, and snacks like blueberries, gummy bears, nuts, mints, or whatever to keep up the energy.

Since I can tend to work myself up in a little frenzy of activity before-hand, I take a few minutes before-hand to literally lay on my back, breathe and be grateful, bless myself, bless the guys that are coming. This last time I also grabbed a towel and my warm glass dildo. Prepared and self-honoring. I'll be the host, and the guys will take much of their cues from me. I want be welcoming, cordial, and help set up the energetic space. Even though I do still get some jitters, I do this best from a place of groundedness.

Organize a group play event. You and the guys will thank you!

9th play group

The word orgy sounds so harsh. Images of raw sex, frenzied fucking, uncaring disconnected perhaps. While there was some of that, it was also pretty damn cool. Mostly because I got to connect with some guys that I'd been with before at previous naked gatherings at my place.

I traveled to Salt Lake intent on not putting in too much time planning this one. Usually planning can take several hours of contacting guys, answering questions, selecting the right fits. I was out of cell-phone and internet reception for four days on a retreat previous. So I just really had the day of the event to contact some of the guys from before, and a few new ones.

First arrived new Midwest Guy with the Thick Cock, about 25 years old. We chatted for a bit, I liked his open and easy manner. Then Shaven Hippie Lover Guy, 42ish, with whom I'd connected intimately a couple times, but hadn't seen in a year. He brought me a gift! Next arrived Muscle Shy Cutie Who Likes to Look at Himself in the Mirror, 29. Sweetie with kind words. Finally Top Curved Cock Kisser, 30, who'd also been once before. And myself, 39. I normally don't include ages, intentionally, but did this time.

We introduced ourselves and talked a bit. Then took off our clothes and got close. Usually the big awkward moment is this one. Potentially. But on the other side rewards! It doesn't take long to get moods shifting and juices flowing.

I had a great time. Sex is a lot about feeling good. Sometimes people think it has a lot to do with looking good. Yeah, that's part of it, but feeling good is the bigger part.

To be true to my journal-like feel, straight-up real reflections, I was surprised a bit by how much some of the guys had gained weight since seeing them over a year ago. A couple had gained probably 20 to 30 pounds (9-13 kgs.) each. While I don't value them any less, it does reduce some of the sexiness for me. Just being real. Amazing how so many of us struggle with weight, food intake, food quality, etc. And how some guys just give up for several months at a time. We still enjoyed eachother, felt good, connected.

flirt but no

I find it unsettling to have a guy flirt, but then push away. Talk about sex, gaze into the eyes, touch lightly in public settings, but then pull away when I sit close. A total mind-fuck. Some guys don't even realize they're doing it.

 

Conversely, I get the tremendous satisfaction from a guy that's into me, and vice versa. That's part of the joy of intimacy for me. That's part of the magic.

A while back we went to a gay strip bar in Key West, Florida. There were beautiful Russian guys dancing almost naked standing on the bar. I'm not nervous at a bathhouse, or a naked beach, but I found myself being nervous to enter. The thought of someone interested in me only for money might have been part of it. Too much thinking perhaps. Somehow I want whatever sexual or intimate experience to be genuine. Sensing sincere excitement, or lust, or desire is hot. Without it I'm not game.

There's all sorts of flirting going on. Some guys flirt for advantage. Some guys flirt to engage. Flirting is communication, and I prefer it when people send signals consistent with what their intentions are.

Pho3nix86

I had to post the rest of Pho3nix86's (on dudes nude) pictures he sent me, just because they're so fucking sexy. 

I love the sweet and lusty energy. Wow.

three lovers?

"Could you handle three girlfriends?

Polyamory allows multiple relationships in an open, honest way. But don't they get jealous?"

Here's an MSN Entertainment news link that I found interesting and enlightening, 2.25 minutes long.

 

listeners

a pic from Pho3nix86 on dudes nude, with his permission

It seems that most people either listen well, or not. Some people prefer to talk.

I'm amazed by the number of competent and successful people who speak over others, interrupt without a second thought, routinely. In high-power careers where efficiency and profit is the model, we are encouraged to streamline conversations, get to the point, and cut off someone who is errant from our aims. Supervisors follow us with clipboards and timers to measure our human interactions for efficiency. Waiters interrupt guests and speak over them. Doctors focus dialogues. But then we go home to our spouses and friends, camp with our buddies, or talk to our kids, and keep on speaking over eachother, changing the conversation to what we want, not listening. Where do we teach someone to listen without an agenda?

I grew up in mostly third and second world countries, where listening was much different. Social inclusion, people's emotional state, and pleasantries are central. People greet, and take a few minutes on phone conversations to ask about the wife, the kids, the job. It's rude otherwise. That is part of the wealth of some of these countries' - and the "developed" nations' poverty. Cultures influence listening skills.

It's a peeve of mine and it riles me a bit, to be cut off, ignored, turned away from, left mid-sentence by colleaugues, friends, inner circles, even wait staff. In my inner circles I can speak up about it. In the world I live in, I can go around upset, or I can learn to be graceful, even where there's not a lot of grace. Maintain listening, even when others don't. There's a lot of people starving to be heard. This knowledge softens my stance.

Wouldn't it be nice if people could be both: good listeners and good expositors?

car fun

 

night time road trip

two horny guys

head glorious

alive and awake

intimate moment

bless me

What does blessing look like specifically for lovers?

This is the kind of post that's a bit scary, because it's vulnerable. But the kind I want to be writing.

The other day I was feeling down. Withdrawn really. Needy. Insecure. I could blame it on being post-surgery, or a situation at work, or the misunderstanding we shared the night before. Whatever the cause, I was feeling sad.

Well so was my partner. So there we were, both of us, feeling needy. It usually doesn't coincide. This time it did.

In a situation like this, who's going to step up to the plate first? Reach out first and embrace? Take a deep breath and put big-boy pants on, and comfort the other? Putting his own needs on hold for a bit? It can be mutual, but somebody's got to start it.

The thing is, I think I do alot of that. Or so goes the story in my head. I'm often the one who reaches out and puts my hand on his shoulders. Or faces him in an embrace and just connects close. Or puts my leg or arm over him as he falls asleep, protector-like. Or cuddles his head under mine on the couch. 

So this time I was waiting for him to. Making space for his blessor to step up. It's hard not being the first one to rush in to make it okay. Just just step back and let him grow. Us grow. The morning went by quietly. We were preparing for guests. Then the middle of the day passed. And an hour before they arrived, he came and got me and held me in front of him gently. Tentatively at first. His hands on my hips. He looked at me and told me how much he appreciated the things I was doing. He specifically named some of them. I thanked him and told him that was exactly what I needed to hear. Music to my ears. He moved his hands up and cupped my head. A shift was occurring. He named several qualities in me that he adored. Often I/we reciprocate. But this time I just soaked it in. And received it. Boy it felt good. Deeply.

He blessed me. Whatever that word means - like a king in a tiny ritual honoring his subjects. It was exactly what I needed. We both felt good and connected again. I am so grateful for this man.

- - - - - - - -

What does this blessor energy look like for me?

• It looks like the head being touched - in a giving way.
• A hand on a shoulder.
• Praising specifically. Data - not judgement. For example, "I see you did all the laundry, thank you," instead of, "I see you're on top of it, thank you."
• Seeing me.
• Slowing down and touch.
• Confident giving hands.

Many other things can have a kingly bestowing energy too. Cradling a cock. Putting a pillow under his head. During sex but also while watching a movie. Holding his side with firm giving hands. Lines blur between sex and the everyday living and the magical and ordinary. Smiling eyes which speak approval and delight. There is more, but that's the energy. That's the energy that makes a relationship work, a friend esteemed. Or the world go round. (lol)

- - - - - - - -

A few years ago I was at a men's weekend, an initiation-type weekend with traces of ancient broodings and marvel. These were mostly straight men, but nonetheless emotionally open, supportive. The weekend was coming to a close, and I was still grieving a previous piece. Attempting to receive closure, and beginning to be aware of my need to be held at times, I sought the embrace of  four different men. The first three were what I had in my mind initially as kingly, or able to give that energy: broad shoulders, masculine, smart, deep stately words. Nope. I was wrong. Their hugs were empty, going-through-the-motions, trite almost. Then I went to the man with the highest voice, the bleached colored hair, on his cane like a cartoon. The one I had judged and not gone to at first. One of the only openly and flamboyantly older gay men among about 70 of us. The embrace I received from this last man was like coming down to the bosom of the earth! He held me, aware of his power, sacredly grounded. Both of our eyes moistened. Time a mystery. When I let go I was complete. Full.

That is when I started to learn the power of that energy. And to not judge a man always by his outside. That there were many things I could not see, and sense, without first listening and perceiving. In this case being blessed. I and everyone have the power to cultivate this fire.

- - - - - - - -

Honoring and lifting comes in a lot of ways. It's less in the gesture and more in the intention. The gestures can be coached. The intentions are spoken quietly in the heart and mostly felt.

gay % densities

with friends

While at work one of my co-workers told me her philosophy on gays. She said, that just like in the animal kingdom, when population densities increase, there are an increased number of gay people. I laughed out loud.

She said, no, seriously, studies in mice show that when populations get denser, there is more same-gender sex. I mused out loud that my dad is a veterinarian, and I read in his medical books that among steer in crowded pens, usually they will mount a "designated" steer (also fellow-male cow).

I brushed it aside, there's more to it than that. But have been thinking about it. Another factor?

pleasure is good

 

"Sex is nice and pleasure is good for you. We've said this before, and it bears repeating. In our present lives, your authors enjoy sex for its own sake, and it feels natural and comfortable, but we want you to know that it wasn't always this easy for us. In a culture that teaches that sex is sleazy, nasty, dirty, and dangerous, a path to a free sexuality can be hard to find and fraught with perils while you walk it. If you choose to walk this path, we congratulate you and offer you support, encouragement, and - most important of all - information. Start with the knowledge that we, and just about everybody else who enjoys sex without strictures, learned how to be this way in spite of the society we grew up in - and that means you can learn too.

What Is Sex, Anyway?

The word "sex" gets used as though everyone agrees on what it means, but if you ask people what they actually do when they have sex, you'll hear about a huge range of behaviors and interactions.

We have talked before about sex being part of everything and about everything being part of sex. Now let's talk about the parts that most people call sex - the parts that involve lips and nipples ... and cocks and orgasms. Sex may involve these parts, but we don't think it's about them; the genitals and other erogenous zones are the "how," not the "what."

The "what" - what sex actually is - is a journey into and extraordinary state of consciousness, where we tune out everything extraneous to our emotions and our senses in the very moment, travel into a realm of delicious sensation, and soak in the deep connection that we share in sex. This journey is a voyage of awakening, as if the nerves whose job it is to transmit feelings of delight had been lying asleep but have suddenly leaped to attention, aflame, in response to a nibble or a caress.

Perhaps what we call foreplay is a way of seeing just how awake we can get - all excited attention from our earlobes and ankles out to the ends of our hair - the prickly of the scalp, the tingling in the arch of the foot. The glorious miracle of sexual anatomy is that any of these awakenings can set off the swelling in the loins, lips, nipples, cocks, ... which awakens lots more intense nervous networks buried inside us, till we are all lit up like fireworks.

Sex is anything you do or think or imagine that sets the train in motion: a scene in a movie, a person on the street you think is hot, swelling buds of wildflowers bursting in a meadow, a fragrance that opens your nose, the warm sun on the back of your head. Then, if you want to pursue these gorgeously sexy feelings, you can increase the swelling tension, and your sensual focus, with any kind of thinking or touching or talking that humans can devise: stroking, kissing, biting, pinching, licking, vibrating, not to mention erotic art and hot music and silky stuff next to our skin.

So sex covers a much larger territory than genital stimulation leading to orgasm. Sex that's limited to perfunctory foreplay and then a race down the express track to orgasm is an insult to the human capacity for pleasure." Okay, my note: there's a place for quicker hot sex too! But slowing it down to enjoy the intensity and be awake to it all is phenomenal too.

"... When we expand our concept of what sex is, and let that be whatever pleases us today, we free ourselves from the tyranny of ... hydraulics, the core of getting off ...

Pleasure is good for you. So do what pleases you, and don't let anybody else tell you what you ought to like, and you can't go wrong."



from: The Ethical Slut, by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy - larger print and different colors is my doing. I've quoted this book before.

I had to share this because it has opened my way of thinking to something I already believed, but had never heard anyone put into words, so beautifully, helping me have consciousness around what I'm doing, or what's going on.

younger mates older

Okay, this one's a bold and risky one for me.

I met him on grindr and within a few messages over a few days we were on his bed fucking like rabbits. I'll call him gray-haired handsome devil. He moaned and would bite his pillow. He and I noisily enjoyed and encouraged eachother. He lay on his back, legs twisted to the side, we grabbing eachother's groins and bodies. Animals really. I say that in a good way. Alive. Deeply. Primal.

From my vantage point above thoughts and energies came through me. Thoughts which I dare not verbalize mostly, or even find hard to put into words. Archetypes. The younger man fucking a man a few years his senior. Gray-haired man possibly symbol of those with power, perhaps those who have conquered. At least his body type and manner in my mind. Now being used. But loving it. Type-A fucked by color Blue, for once. Revenge?

My mind went for a second to two good friends who are partners. One's 25, one's 65. I've often wondered what makes them tick. What's in it for either of them? And now in my own fucking, I saw, perhaps, a glimpse of some of the thrill, or archetypal high, the power surge. Younger man fucking older man. Perhaps younger man feeling conqueror. Perhaps older man feeling at the center of things. Enlighten me. Really, both at the center of the universe, in their own ways.

The word rape comes to mind. Ugly with its implications of coercion. But loaded with aggressive desire. Perhaps consensual aggressive assault would do, or masculine battle playground. Two men of different spheres, like pup and dog, giving it all to a heated game of pretend ravaging, knowing that they could hurt eachother, and taking that energy right up to the edge, with no intention of hurting eachother, and not, only pleasuring both in the magical realm of panting, sweating, grabbing, grimacing, smiling, thrusting, shoulders bounced north and south upon the sheets, supremely physical, other-worldly space. At the center of the universe. Where worlds disect. Peer men, intimately, more than ever.

And yet the images that flow through my mind...