listeners

a pic from Pho3nix86 on dudes nude, with his permission

It seems that most people either listen well, or not. Some people prefer to talk.

I'm amazed by the number of competent and successful people who speak over others, interrupt without a second thought, routinely. In high-power careers where efficiency and profit is the model, we are encouraged to streamline conversations, get to the point, and cut off someone who is errant from our aims. Supervisors follow us with clipboards and timers to measure our human interactions for efficiency. Waiters interrupt guests and speak over them. Doctors focus dialogues. But then we go home to our spouses and friends, camp with our buddies, or talk to our kids, and keep on speaking over eachother, changing the conversation to what we want, not listening. Where do we teach someone to listen without an agenda?

I grew up in mostly third and second world countries, where listening was much different. Social inclusion, people's emotional state, and pleasantries are central. People greet, and take a few minutes on phone conversations to ask about the wife, the kids, the job. It's rude otherwise. That is part of the wealth of some of these countries' - and the "developed" nations' poverty. Cultures influence listening skills.

It's a peeve of mine and it riles me a bit, to be cut off, ignored, turned away from, left mid-sentence by colleaugues, friends, inner circles, even wait staff. In my inner circles I can speak up about it. In the world I live in, I can go around upset, or I can learn to be graceful, even where there's not a lot of grace. Maintain listening, even when others don't. There's a lot of people starving to be heard. This knowledge softens my stance.

Wouldn't it be nice if people could be both: good listeners and good expositors?