sleepovers

A few days ago I visited another city on my own where I have some good friends. I was able to see several of them. A recurring theme emerged: sleep-overs, or at least the desire for sleep-overs. Looking back, it was interesting that every night I was there I had at least one offer for a sleep-over, with half of them being platonic. One was from a straight guy, and one a woman!... both very good friends.

I consider it a priviledge and an honor that friends will speak their direct desires to me. Whether they get them or not, it is beautiful - and vulnerable - to voice exactly what one wants. So I consider it a testament to closeness and a certain level of comfort that we've achieved.

1. It started with Superman Shoulders Guy, who I texted for the planned upcoming orgy. We've met several times, just us, and with my partner, and he's picked me up from the airport a couple times. He wasn't feeling the desire to come to the group event, but did state that he'd love to cuddle for the night. We couldn't because of plans, but left it open for another time.

2. In preparing for the orgy, - texting and emailing a bunch of guys - I spoke with Voracious Bottom Friend who would have to take the bus over. I wouldn't mind if he slept over for the night? Of course, I said. He was actually the only one that slept over that trip. We did have some awesome morning sex and a good conversation on the way back to his place.

3. The next morning after the orgy Chiseled Middle-Aged Power Top texted thank-you, and said that he had overheard that Voracious Bottom was sleeping over the night. He said he'd have loved to join us and take off for work the next morning. Next time will do. The bed's big enough :).

4. I visit a Differently-Abled Straight Friend most every time I'm in town. It's great to catch up with him and chat, and be in his reality for a while. We met through work, and though we have always talked openly about everything, and he cusses and kids around with me, it has always been just two dudes, platonic. So it was interesting to me that he, out-of-the-blue, said that I could sleep over if I wanted to. He said if I needed to "wank off" I could go in the bathroom, but then come sleep on the floor in his room.

I didn't know whether to be weirded out by this seemingly random and otherwise out-of-place comment, or whether to be flattered by this new level of emotional friendliness in our friendship. I was both, but more flattered really. What did I say or do that invited this comment? I'd love to hold him in his bed. He has spent the last many years there alone in his bed, nearly 24/7. I wouldn't be sexual, honestly. I wouldn't want to dishonor him or disrespect his wishes, but I really do love him. I think that many people in our modern society are lonely, and perhaps among other things, would love to just have someone to lay down with at night - to have another human being next to their side to talk to, or just feel laying there, breathing, sharing their common experience.

I was honored and touched that he would ask me. I couldn't meet the request at that time, but would be open to it at some time.

5. And finally I met for tea with my awesome Female Yogi Friend. We were drawn to eachother at work a few years ago, and have kept in touch occassionally, though always deeply it seems. She speaks deeply and differently from the mainstream, and I learn so much every time I see her. She is my same age, sexy as heck, could be a model, and I find myself physically attracted to her. It's different than with guys, but its definitely physical. We've spoken about healing and touch many times, and her desire to hold others especially in healing situations.

I took a risk and expressed that I'd love to hold her. "You talking holding or sex?," she asked straight-forwardly? "Holding," I responded. So we had a beautiful experience where she held me first, and we talked and sat quietly enjoying eachother, and then I held her. Exquisite. We talked about attractions, friendship, sex, requests, expectations, old wounds, our healing journeys, etc. We talked about the possibility of having sex. I'd love to, and it would be a first with a woman, but I've been open to the idea for some time. We talked about sleeping over. Unfortunately I had some work to do before leaving in the wee hours of the morning soon, so had to decline. Maybe for better, maybe for worse, either way, it was what it was. With no expectation, we both enjoyed simply holding and being close as friends.

I value that experience with her, and we've since written each other about the scarcity of non-sexual touch and holding, and how beautiful it felt. Good enough on its own, not just as a median on the way somewhere else.

The theme of that little trip seemed sleep-overs. I'm a believer that not all things are coincidence. Some things are meant to be, or coincide so magically that one is shuffled along the way gently to a new understanding or experience. So next time I visit there I'll have an official sleep-over or two. It's about time. And I'd love to close my eyes at night with my friends, breathing the same air next to eachother, and knowing that I am not always alone.