Random title, I know. Welcome to my life sometimes. I prefer to delight in it for its variety. Consciously sought. And not without risk and sometimes a downside. Below are four nouns describing four recent guys.
honey
A few nights ago I came home and my Honey and I connected physically sweetly. I forget the details, just remember how much I love him and how alive our connection felt. It's good for me to remember now... sitting here in the coffee shop with Ewan McGregor singing soaring lines in the speakers overhead. It was after an intense experience with another couple guys, and I was surprised at the abundance of sexual energy left flowing through me. The next morning we awoke leisurely, and he climbed on me. I partially wanted to save some of my physical sexual stamina for the weekend coming up, knowing that I had an appointment, but decided to leave that reservation aside. We had another wonderful experience. No intercourse both times. Wonderfully intense and full of love and lust. And time afterwards speaking sweet nothings to each other.
capoeira
A couple of days before I went to a masturbation club. I had just arrived from travelling last the night before, and considered bailing, but had told Beautiful Smiling Greek God With Killer Thighs online that we'd meet there, so kept my word going. I was not disappointed. I walked in and found him and Flirtatious Marathoner From Work seated in a corner with hands on eachother's cocks. I smiled but they were busy, so I went and watched two other beautiful guys in erotic action on a central altar/counter. Within a few mintues Beautiful Smiling Greek God With Killer Thighs came and stood next to me, and we quickly got acquainted and were stroking eachother and lightly caressing eachother. Flirtatious Marathoner From Work came over joined in a hot little standing threesome. He leaned over and whispered, "Nobody at work needs to know about this," to which I responded, "Of course." Funny how worried he seemed about this. Like I would blab his personal info. Everyone should get to decide who they share their private information with, and how much. They wandered off in a couple minutes.
I wandered a bit looked at who I might be interested in. There were lots of guys there. Several caught my eye, especially shorter Capoeira Nerdy Guy. He had a gymnast's body, minus the shaving, a small waist, broad shoulders, and a gorgeous smooth bubble butt. My Honey would like him too, I thought. I sat on a couch, stood to go stand next to him. We made eye contact, nodded and smiled, and he came over. I asked if I could touch him. He responded, "Of course." He felt so good, instantly both of us were hard, and moved in gently to touch eachother with the other free hand (not on the cock) on the neck, back, and and butts. This is often an exciting little game of new territory where two mates discover what eachother respond to, like, and don't like, and how far we can go in compatibility, all without words generally. He liked sweet exploratory touching, wasn't oppossed to kissing, enjoyed embracing, and was present with his eyes and smile, all things which I like too and found incredibly sexy. He looked up through his glasses somewhat shyly, not without experience though :).
I asked, and Capoeira Nerdy Guy and I moved to a covered couch. Things got pretty warm between us. And soon Beautiful Smile Guy came and sat with us for a while with his nice hard-on. Flirtatious Marathoner sat in the next couch over. Soon I looked around and there were a dozen guys standing around wanking. Creepy but hot. I was thoroughly into Capoeira Guy, and it was reciprocated. We semi-sat on eachother, observing the no-penetration rules of the club. I particularly love the experience of kindness, sweetness and blessing mixed in with the eroticism of lustful fondling, holding, and exploring. Something sexy about unrushed and present too, all of which Capoeira Guy possessed.
We moved to a bed next in an adjascent room. There are three beds side by side with mirrors there too. To make a long story short we came once, nearly simultaneously, then lay to cuddle and get to know eachother, and soon found ourselves humping and fondling eachother eagerly again. We enjoyed increasingly grabbing eachother with some strength, behing the neck, on the ass, the waist, the back, the legs, becoming comfortable with eachother, and eventually came a second time, both of us. Man that was incredible. And talked quietly some more.
I enjoyed how he opened himself slowly to the new experience of gazing into eachother's eyes. I know that this is too intense for alot of guys, especially if first meeting. At first he'd close his eyes in enjoyment, and open from time to time. I'd try to match some of that too, to not be "too much." With time we became comfortable to a deeper degree in maintaining some eye contact in our gyrations. Incredibly, intimately hot. To see another human being in their divine ecstasy. Alive.
I told my Honey about him, and he was definitely interested.
tantra
I'd met once before with Sexy Grey Tantra Man. It was a part of my opening up to new experiences, and seeking new intimate learning. I was rewarded, and after some time of trying to meet up with him again, we met at a new exquisite location. He was much more grounded this time. Let's just say that the space we were in provided some wonder foot-holds and positions, warm cubby. And visions of clouds and sun. We moved around and shared physical inner insights from time to time. I loved his unhurried approach... his enjoyment of every moment... his fresh ideas from ancient traditions and personal wants. What an opportunity to see his life and approach. Some of the awarenesses I've gained from him have been with me every time I orgasm.
baby
In an ideal world, I'd have given myself more time in between these two sex appointments. In reality I gave myself just one day. So beside the physical sexual tiredness, I was tired of giving and topping and expending such high-intensity energy. My personality is such, or at times I exude so much sensual high energy that it comes to be expected of me, and partners might assume an entirely passive role. Some partners, including my lifetime partner from time to time, will assume nearly a baby-role... to be "fed" and "nurtured" sexually, enjoying my adoration which is sincere, but sometime exhausting.
[I hope it goes without saying that including the word "baby" here in no instance condones or encourages any such sexual experience with actual infants, that's criminal. I use the word loosely to describe an energy, an energy that comes up among consenting adults in a sexual experience.]
So I met with Lanky Professional Self-Made Dad. We'd also met once before and had an amazing time. We'd been trying to meet again for some time, and finally made it work. He's normally the top in his male-male union, and last time thoroughly enjoyed the surprise of bottoming. I was gentle, kept him happily distracted (worked his cock - while working his ass incrementally), and we ended up having some all-out sweaty pounding that involved no pain and all pleasure. So I think this time he had some set expectations. Though unspoken, it was clear from his positioning and energy that he wanted to be taken again. Perhaps a man that takes charge, self-makes himself, and takes high leadership everywhere else in life sometimes just wants some time to relinquish that responsibility and have someone else take that role in the bed. I can relate to that.
At the same time I was wanting some of that. And somewhat tired from all my previous sexual activity. And stressed from all the coordination it took to arrange the gig with my Honey. So I found myself fulfilling Lanky Professional Dad's fantasy, fucking him in all sorts of flexible positions, that normally would have been a huge turn-on to me, but this time felt like alot of work. Like I was fulfilling a role that he wanted, but that I wasn't really into at the moment. Believe me, I was getting something from the exchange too, but it just didn't seem as fulfulling. And he was letting me do all the work, not bringing any energy to the experience... just wanting to get fucked like crazy and close his eyes and retract into himself. I went limp a couple times. But being the dutiful boy scout :), and having to be at work a bit later in the afternoon, I made it happen and he came with me thrusting him. We lay on our backs ass to ass and I wanked until I came too. Still hot physically.
You can tell alot about the default personality of a guy after he cums. Will he just want you out after? Is he a gentleman after he's gotten what he wanted? Is he a gentleman even if he doesn't feel like it?... or after the impetus of horny chemistry is abated? Nearly all guys can be sweat-hearts and embracing when in the throws of passion and panting thrusting. It might be part of getting what they want - reaching the glorious climax of ejaculation - the pleasing their partner and doing what their partner wants. But will they humor you after? What are their true wants in addition to cumming? Was cumming the main thing they wanted? There is no shame or judgement in that, heck, many times that's exactly what I've wanted too. But there is an awareness of matching wants and interests arising at different spaces in our lives.
Lanky Professional Self-Made Dad was quite done when he'd finished. He was a gentleman, but nonetheless done, fairly silent, and ready to be done with our rendevous - I perceived. Perhaps some of my perception had to do with the story in my head, and my tiredness, and wanting to have a more mutually-equal sexperience this time.
I left feeling sad and a bit confused. It stayed with me last night after work, and I woke up feeling it this morning. Angry this morning too. I don't fully understand it, but am trying to let it teach me, and listen to what my body wisdom might speak to me. One guideline that might serve me better in the future is to generally allow some recovery time between rendevous. And then to meet more with like-minded equality-minded guys that bring something to the table too. And give time for me. Seek people and energy that will support me too.
The energy of blessing and giving sexually is not one that originates in me. I cannot be vain enough to assume that I am the originator. It comes from the universe and moves through me, as it does through others. I am a vessel for this energy to move through. Sometimes the vessel is tired. Or needs down time. Or needs to be blessed and supported and receive itself. I cannot always give. I must receive too (not just talking topping and bottoming here). With all this I ponder: when do I get to be a "baby" and just soak up the blessing, support, and adoration of another just giving, and I receiving?
All interesting questions.
No comments:
Post a Comment