impressed

xanarchist on dn - posted with his permission

I'm often impressed by the coolness and approachability of many beautiful guys. Take Patrick for example, who's also got a sexy body with an amazingly proportioned butt. Aaargh, makes me jump inside :). Not everyone is into butts. But some of us really are!

closeted weird fantasies



The closet does funky things to many of us. Living in secrecy. Yet having all of these sexual desires with no outlet. Our mind tries to come up with outlets, however outlandish, or risky, dangerous, illegal, seemingly out-of-line with our image, or whatever.

A while ago I was helping a very physically sick gentleman, accomplished and prestigious, in line with my work. When his wife was not there he'd subtly expose himself to me as I completed my tasks. When other workers entered the room, he'd cover himself. It's as if he was trying to start something. I was surprised, in a way, because of his position, leadership, image, and crisp insightful mind in other realms. Of course I didn't act on it. Just found myself amused and thinking.

But not really surprised either.

I can remember when I wasn't out to myself or others. I had some pretty far-out fantasies, most of which I'm embarassed to share. My sexual energy was still high. Consciously I was trying to squelch it. Subconsciously, this energy was trying to find expression. One fantasy I had was to buy and place a remote microphone near the bed of a friend I had a crush on. So that I could hear his sexual activity. Another fantasy was to find cum on his underwear. Etc. Etc.

Other fantasies that people have involve being fucked or fucking someone you don't know, finding the door open, doing it, then leaving, or gloryholes, or airport stall ventures (talk about risky), or sex with animals, or sex with children (talk about illegal), or copulation with people who don't decide to be a part of it, or paying for sex, etc. I won't get into all of it, nor pass judgement, but simply note that some things are illegal, some things are non-consensual, and that there are more direct methods of having a beautiful experience that you'll feel good about after, and can look back with no regret, and have again with that person if you both want.

When I read in the newspaper about adult men who have sex with a child on the down-low, or any other sort of disproportionate power-play, besides feeling for the victim, I often think how much more fulfilled that man might be by seeking adult consensual sex. Maybe I'm being simplistic. I wonder how much horrific crime we could prevent by encouraging openness and "healthy" sex. Oppressive religions or codes don't help by censoring this topic and forbading its expression for entire swaths of a person's life - pre-marriage, etc. Or for entire lifetimes: priests, widows, divorcees, etc. Maybe we'd have less sex crimes?

Now that I have plenty of sex of a direct nature, most of these more side-ways fantasies for getting sex have evaporated. Instead of imagining, I request it with a consensual partner, and feel fulfilled. I like this much more direct method of need fulfillment.

To not be misunderstood, I think that there still is a healthy place for specific likes and fantasies, among them consensual bondage, I find harnesses very sexy, group scenarios, blindfolds, specific likes for feet, or whatever other parts. Other people get into specific sexual acts that while I don't yet have an interest for, I respect them and am glad that they bring enjoyment. There's a huge world to explore.

I feel for the closeted guys - and gals - who live one life publicly, and yet are trying to find quieter and round-about ways of hearing their sexual voice. Screaming sexual voice in some instances. The politician or minister. The bored spouse. The "good boy." The leader in his field with a certain image. Or whatever construct people have in their heads. I see them all around me. I've been there too.

My belief is that many of our leaders with charisma and gift to the world also have a high libido, or drive for intimacy, whatever you want to call it. Genius or affinity in many realms. Examples, in my mind, are John F. Kennedy, Martin Luther King Jr., Gandhi, Bill Clinton, Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Jefferson. Many of these men had non-conventional approaches to intimacy, and whether by conscious intention or "slip of character" expressed themselves so. My view is that there is nothing "wrong" or "right" about parts of this, that it just is, and that it is suits us to take a look at it and be awake about what we're doing. The world is a safer place when there's plainspoken, heart-honest dialogue.

Not everyone has as high of libido. Examples abound here too.

One solution for those of us that think about sex often is to give it expression. Consciously. Honestly. In a way that is self-honoring first, and honoring of others.

Another thing is to not get caught up on the person. Attached beyond reason. This I've only learned by doing it poorly myself first. There are so many beautiful people out there, many of whom one can have a sexual / intimate experience with just by asking. Some will say no. Some will say yes. That's okay. In some ways its a numbers game. You go through a number of contacts until you find the right match / matches. In this age when technology connects people of certain interests amazingly, it is freeing to realize that there are many wonderful guys out there just like me/you. And that our desires can be met superbly.



one of the sweetest photos I've taken

friends with benefits

from nychottop on dn's website: http://www.myspace.com/morisona

Some people say that sex between friends ruins things. My experience has not been so. In fact, it's some of my favorite moments of intimacy. It sweetens things tremendously. And looking back, are some of the experiences that get me hard just thinking about them, months later.

Recently I had the good fortune to fuck dancing partnered leader beau. Him curled up under me moaning, wow. Knowing him, having been to his place, been to lunch, hiked with friends, made it all the more meaningful.

Then with techy foodie artist cyclist sunbather got to chat and try on harnesses. Later we sat on his bed and stroked eachother, then ourselves to cum. I like that most of our interaction has been non-sexual, creative, and feels like friends.

My brother-friend traveler attention-whore at a party (he'd read this and agree) is someone I love and fight with like a brother - in the past. We met years ago and have been close. He really is like my brother. And after talking opened up to some physical intimacy a couple times while in a group. We'd been consciously avoiding it, but then decided that we were big enough to handle it. It in fact was very sweet, and hasn't changed much. If anything we're amused, and it allows us more scenarios as fellow adventurers.

I met waiter bi cuddler texter sexually first. He's not someone I would have typically met. We've met a handful of times since, helped eachother through an STD scare, and I've relished bottoming for him. Culturally he's very sweet and whispers cute things. It's a friendship. In this case a friendship more hyped around sex, still, an affection and esteem.

The man that I cry for when he leaves for a trip is also a friendship like no other. Here we match on various additional levels, and I intend to spend the rest of my life with him. Thank heavens I met him. Our attachment is unrestricted, I allow myself to go to a vulnerable place with him. The thought of his many kindnesses still melt me and arouse me.

also from http://www.myspace.com/morisona

push-ups master nicknames

This post is a long time in coming, I'm finally getting around to it. It's been one I've intended to do for a while. With winter here, there's a little more time. I wanted to highlight some pictures we took this summer showing off a new friend's favorite sex position: push-ups. I'll focus in this post primarily on the guy with the obvious top energy. My other friend, longtime brother-friend flirt, appears in many of my posts.

I don't show faces of those of us who aren't yet ready. In the future I'll be posting more of my own face and videos, once I have more independent employment and income, for the meantime this is a good compromise I think. :) 

It's funny because my new friend could go by several names. He could be sexy construction pounder, or skilled outdoors go-getter, push-ups master with the guys, depending on what characteristic was desired emphasized. The descriptive "names" are best generally flattering, knowing that often the recipient will be reading about themselves, and, I hope, smiling.

My friend could also be: ready nature nudist, sparky nude sun-bather, man's-man no bullshit sweetie, playful randy nature lover.

Favorite positions change with time and mood. What was once our preferred way might morph or become boring, only to be re-discovered later. That's one of the great things about sex and intimacy: exploring. It's one of the places where we can be playful, discover, be intimate, alive.

Some of the nicest photos come from natural poses. Better said, not posed at all, and people just doing things they would do naturally. Here nature nudist sun-bather was just relaxing while I fiddled with my camera, doing one of the things he loves: soaking up the sun on bare skin. It made a great shot. So un-posed is often a winner.

Another random thing I learned is that odds and ends items get left in pictures, sometimes spoiling a picture. Like shoes, a water bottle, a backpack. Then I have to crop them out. Or they ruin an beautiful mountain water sunset. There's so much to capture as a photographer, and I get so drawn into the bodies, that I sometimes don't see the "clutter" in the pictures until I'm at home looking on my computer at the pictures. And assistant would be useful, another set of eyes to catch things that could be manipulated.

One of the sexiest things for me is seeing men embrace, and watching their hands. Hands tell alot about what is going on, the energy that's flowing. Kindness and love mixed with lust is such a potent combo!

I had to include one more push-ups picture. The closed fists, possibly missed in viewing, for a look at the cock, nonetheless imply power and strength from the periphery. Virility. Something we're all attracted to.

And finally a magical almost-sunset picture. I love the two heads together. There's passion and frenzy, but there's also awareness of eachother and sweet intimacy.

The world is a better place for moments like these.

newness every day

Aussie Cutie

Part of what keeps me feeling alive is experiencing something new every day. I get excited and feel happy.

Today I tried some new stretches with a stretch band behind my back, and doing a hand-stand at the front of my routine.

Yesterday I put new flannel sheets on our bed, had some great intimacy again with Twenty Something Foreign Bi-Sexual, and tried my new purple double-dildo on myself.

Sunday I went to a friends' party with a gazillion toddlers and saw Christmas lights around a beautiful round-about in the rain with My Beautiful Man, and had a paper-and-pencil writing-communicating exercise with him that was difficult but good, covering new territory.

Satruday I went to a workshop on non-violent communication and with my Partner attended our first photography class together.

All while maintaining a work schedule and the regulars.

I think that there are many personality types like mine. And, not to be misunderstood, I DO value the consistency of my Partner for a lifetime, a schedule that's predictable, a home to come home to. These things bring great solace. Other personality types are a blessing and a compliment.

Still, keeping it fresh and new, in little ways every day, is enlivening to me.

Aussie Cutie allowed me to post these two pictures, from dudesnude - sydney1971. Thank you.
These photos out in Nature are magical.

yey washington

Jane and Pete-e celebrate their marriage this weekend
35 years together

I have the extremely good fortune of having moved to Washington, where gay marriage was approved by a majority of mainstream voters last month. This is for the first time in U.S. history. Previously in other states it has been by a legislative or judiciary vote, but not by a voter referendum. Maryland and Maine also recently approved gay marriage by popular vote. This is what makes it so significant to me, and melts my heart. No wonder I've been happy this weekend, as the newspaper headlines highlight beautiful people in love getting married. At long last. Thank you compassionate people of Washington. I wouldn't have guessed that this move would have meant so much to me, and that I would be at the heart of a historic space for "my people" and all people. A triumph for love.

no sugar day 75

Today is day 75 of no processed sugar.

It started when a good friend of my partner had liposuction to the tummy. He works out a lot, but also enjoys his high fructose jams, breads and pastries. Still I'd always dismissed the idea of lipo for myself until a close friend had it. He's still numb three months out, as expected. We're all waiting with interest for the six month mark when the numbness is supposed to go away.

I've generally been a believer of non-invasive methods before invasive ones. Of nutritional and lifestyle changes before drugs and surgeries. Even what other people would consider drastic changes in intake. If I ever were to do lipo, I'd want to have tried for a good long while all other non-invasive methods of abdominal fat reduction, like eating well for a year and exercising consistently, and researching ramifications for old age, poor scenarios, etc.



around day 15

A radio program on sobriety got me thinking that I could go "sober" of just about anything. Even temporarily or as an experiment. I thought, why not processed sugar?

So here I am, day 75. No refined sugar in anything. Not in bread, ketchup, sauces, jams, cereal, anything. That means no deserts - or at least not the added-sugar kind. I CAN eat fruits, molasses, grade B pure maple syrup, and sugar in its natural forms. It requires me to be prepared and be creative. While everyone pulls out their ice-cream, I pull out my mangos. Or kiwis, coconut, fennel, raisins, currants, banana, whatever.

Exceptions have only been when eating at someone's home, and they make something for us with love - and I don't want to go through the hassle of explaining my peculiarity. I've had a slice of carrot cake, a home-made ginger beer, and some Thanksgiving homemade treats. For that I subtracted those 5 days. I'd technically be on day 80 if I hadn't. I'm glad I partook in these gifts - and at the same time hope that these exceptions are minimal to non-existant.

I've noticed exciting adjustments in my body. I feel sexier and heartened at my personal accomplishment. I've also moved closer to a paleo diet in increasing meats and plants, decreasing grains, breads and pastas, though oatmeal and quinoa are still favorites. I have to eat more frequently and plan ahead, but I feel energized overall.

exercise variety

This picture comes from a Burning Man email newsletter. I'm hoping to go again next year. Besides being beautiful, it seg-ways into a couple random thoughts. Exercise can get boring if one does the same thing all the time - but there are an endless world of possibilities to keep it fresh. The above pic is one example. I'm looking forward to checking into a few possible circus-like gyms locally. Today for cardio I danced. Total feel-good. The possibilities are about as infinite as creativity. (Gymnastics, paddle-boarding, fucking without cumming for a while, wrestling, yoga, tai chi, dancing of various types - youtube is a fun motivator, running, biking, rowing, speed-lifting, power-stretching, hiking with a heavy pack, swimming, joining a soccer team, water polo team, and so on.)

user only?

A couple of days ago I had a sexual experience that left me feeling yuck. I played with zero body fat sculpted sensualist and later his partner yelling rough-guy user. The later especially kept instructing me on what he liked and wanted me to do for him. But never once asked what I liked or attempted to "dance" with me. Even being horny and in the middle of things, I sensed that I wanted out, and with a bit of effort did. Fortunately he came quickly too.

What percentage of your encounters do you spend taking, and what percentage do you spend giving? For some guys it's all about themselves. He thinks primarily about what he's gonna get. And not much about what the other guy is getting, experiencing, liking. I have to say that I'm usually more interested in equality. Energy flowing both ways. Sex like a well-paired wrestling match or dance. Give and take. It's useful to step back and look at the amounts of time you're granting him and yourself. Hopefully it's close to 50 - 50.

I realize that some people LIKE being used, or experiencing a one-way energy, or all sorts of other variations. Until those wants are communicated though, I think it is best to assume that a more consensual and egalitarian play is wanted. Consideration and thoughtfulness go a long way with most of us! It's not the specific act that's as important as the intention.

tall legs

I think that there's something incredibly hot about tall legs - maybe because I don't have them :).

Where do your eyes first go when you look at a guy? It's different for everyone it seems. I tend to look at butts, calves, faces, and waists. Others look at packages, faces, hair on the chest - peeking up through the neck of the shirt. A previous roommate looked at hands first. There's lots of beauty all around us.

A picture like this gets something going below my navel!

crazy fuck

Yesterday I just wanted to fuck. I didn't have much time, so went to the bath-house midday. Normally that's not a good time to go I'm told, but the two times I've gone then I've found amazingly sexy guys.

I left my clothes in a locker and strolled down a couple corridors. I wore my watch to keep track of the time. Slender bearded kentucky guy was laying in a room with the door creaked open. I asked if he wanted some company, and it went from there. For a younger guy he was pretty put together, shook my hand and we exchanged names, chatted for a couple minutes, horizontal stroking. Then that initial exploratory period that's always kind fun. What does he like? Can he read what I like? Do we like eachother's bodies? How's the lust amping up?

We fucked like rabbits. Hot and sweaty. Holding off on cumming for a good twenty minutes (remember I had my watch on). Grabbing eachother by the back of the neck, the head, cradling the ass. Twisting. Kissing. I came, and within a minute he came too.

I wish I could have stayed an cuddled. He felt a bit awkward after, as I think most guys do, wondering how the intimacy will continue or not from here. Usually cuddling or staying and chatting for a while together naked laying down is fun times. Regardless we hugged and parted. Both having gotten a good part of what we wanted.

I had a smile on later that I couldn't explain to co-workers.

- - -

Then something funny, that seems to happen when I go out and have these experiences. I came home late after work to the hottie who's my future hubby and jumped on top of him... until he had a good release. Conventional wisdom would say that "extra-marital" relationships would drain the sexual energy of the primary relationship. I find that while that does happen here and there, most often I'm more excited when I meet up with my partner.

- - -

Any way, a hectic day turned inwardly glorious. Crazy fuck.

2 minutes

 

Hehe, made you look. No, not writing a post on quick ejaculation. Yet :).

Want your partner(s) to feel loved and treasured? Here's one way. Try spending 2 minutes with him, when waking up, returning from work, and going to bed. Two minutes where you look at him, listen to him, cuddle with him, whatever. You're there for him, present to him. Making time to connect.

He'll feel special to you. Over time, these little moments will accumulate to a blanket of security and well-being. Like Stephen Covey's analgoy of deposits into a relationship bank account, you're filling him up with love and presence. Even if you're busy, spending 2 minutes with him shows your priorities - he among them. He might not consciously notice you're doing this, but he'll definitely feel it. Try not telling him you're doing this for a while. Surprise him with this subtle and powerful demonstration of how you feel about him. This will be harder for certain personality types, like type-A's, or less-sentimental guys to do, but you'll reap the benefits in a big way.

I got this idea from msn.com, one of their relationship pages, a few months ago. It works, and just seems right. Wouldn't you feel treasured if someone did the same for you?

asexual

At a clothing optional japanese hot tubs and massage place here in Santa Fe this weekend. Great place.

I would not have believed it until I met them in person. People who feel asexual. Not that they don't have intact genitalia, just that they don't feel sexual either hardly ever, or not at all. 

My most vivid experience was at a male-male committment ceremony in the wild. We camped for a few days as a little clan. There were a few gay couples and about an equal number of lesbian couples. And then a handful of us single folks. One sunny afternoon a couple of us wanted to go skinny dipping in a slow bend of a river. Me and a cool gal I'll call activist co-ed with glasses.

I delight in experiencing life fully and having new experiences, meeting new people. So I smiled inside as we undressed and waded into the water. We were already familiar, so I asked about various details of her proclaimed asexual existence. I believe her sincerity. She had a "boyfriend" who felt the same way. They occasionally cuddled, but both had never in their lives felt sexual desire. They met online - on sites for people like them who to varying degrees have their same experience.

At work I used to have a crush on stunning eyes hottie co-worker. I've been curious about his mysterious sexuality. He seems straight, but has rainbow stickers on personal paraphernalia. When I commented to him about the local amateur porn festival Hump, he said that his wife would love it, but that wasn't his kind of thing. It jived with several other details, and it occurred to me that he might be one of those real people in our midst who have naturally much less or no interest in sex. Very unlike myself, yet I can respect that. Whether my assessment is right or not, it helps me wrap my head around some people's mannerisms and conversations. It helps me meet them where they're at.

std clinic

I'm writing this while traveling, no internet wi fi, so using my cell phone.

Last night I met again with foreign cutie with killer abs. He'd been texting me and wanting to talk. I suggested we meet at the bathhouse we'd met at, but he said he wanted to talk first. We met at a restaurant and with some encouragement he described burning sensation with urination for the last week. He'd thought of asking me since I work in healthcare. He'd researched a bit from his cell phone online and thought he might have gonorrhea and wanted some information as to how to get the medication remedy. I explained how it works in this country, that one needs to see a doctor first for some tests and a prescription. Then he could purchase it at a pharmacy. I felt honored that he would confide with me, and that I could help.

We looked up the nearest urgent care, made a few calls, and walked to the nearest one. He requested that I go with him as his English is still limited, and he hadn't been to a medical center as an adult yet. On the way up he expressed how scared he'd been, feeling like "the earth was going to swallow me up," and thanked me repeatedly.

At the urgent care we negotiated between translating, no insurance and payment, then urine and blood test. All firsts for him. The German-accented doctor prescribed and administered by-mouth and injection antibiotics. She was wonderful.

Four hours after the initial conversation we walked down the cold hill, having resolved, we hope, the issue. He should feel relief within a few hours. And a follow-up phone call to the center will reveal the results of the various tests in a few days. The smile on his face and the relief to his novel-for-him situation brought me great satisfaction. We embraced for a long while, and parted, now near midnight. I'd need to get up at 4am the next morning to pack and travel. Helping out sure isn't convenient sometimes. But I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

As one of my white-braided friends would say: It's a good day to die.

my god

A gay couple walked in a grocery store browsing the vegetables. Another shopper approached them. She admonished my friends that they needed to repent of their sins and accept Jesus into their hearts. She continued that God was coming soon and would only take with him the holy and leave the rest to burn forever...

One of the guys stopped her, "Listen, my God is standing right here next to me." He took his man's hand in his. "This is the man I've accepted into my heart, the man I love, the One I worship and adore."

The woman's jaw dropped. Not able to think of anything,  she walked away.

When I heard this from this couple I got a lump in my throat. Wow. Great response.

nov 19 2012

A storefront in NYC
that I was pleased to see
while out on a run.

This entry is more like a journal - to remember - and a communication.

I just got back from a body electric workshop with my partner which was phenomenal. It has to do with erotic massage, spirituality, connection to one's own body, celebration. I was surprised by the depth of my grief that I touched in one of the pieces - beautiful stuff. I'm also reminded of how I get crushes - a couple at a time, and can obssess for a few days on a guy. It's something that's been so since I was a teenager. This weekend one of them was kind-eyed muscle guy with the eyelashes. I'm still crushing on him. It should wear off in a bit :), mostly. By the way we never ejaculated on the weekend workshop - by design - keeping the energy high. So it was particularly exhilarating to connect with my honey and cum.

Also great to connect with my friend of 8 years, cuddle monster king, who slept a night with us.

A reader here asked me why I didn't tell my partner something that I revealed here - a few posts back. Well, there are few things I don't talk about first with my partner. But the ones I occassionally don't (and there is so much that all of us live independently - even when in partnership), he reads here too!

I've had the distinct honor of meeting a handful of local guys that check in on the blog here. Sometimes its been sexual, other times its been outdoors fun, naked yoga, camping, or just having a meal together. I don't always include all of our experiences here - obviously - and hope that doesn't offend anyone, or more likely feel excluded or unvalued. Definitely not the case. After one particularly playful bedroom romp one guy told me he and his partner were waiting for the blog post on our experience. Hehe. Cute.

Several days ago I skyped with a nude-beach trip friend naked, and feeling pretty horny, jacked off with him online. Along with some great conversation. I hope to have that encounter again!, and maybe even in person. Playing with both him and his partner would be awesome, or one-on-one. I'm reminded of how different each of us are with what makes us tick. He, like my partner at times, appreciates more social interaction with intimacy.

so happy

I'm so comforted by the passage of gay marriage in my current home state - Washington. And the fact that it was passed by a voter majority. It's on my mind often.

I was buying raspberries at a local market and commented on the elections to the cute vendor. He exclaimed happily, "yeah, now we've got weed and gays!" How cool is that. (He was referencing also the passage of marijuana as legal now.) He and several random people at work, most straight, seemed genuinely happy at the passage of gay marriage. Most making the comment, "It's about time," or "I'm so happy for you and your partner. I want you to know that I voted for you." Damn, nearly brings me to tears.

At the art museum I saw young guys standing next to eachother, intimates. Now they can grow up feeling normal and accepted by their society. Now dudes who notice their own attraction to males can look around and see and respect the life paths of gay men - look around at male-male couples no longer in hiding - and see a life to be admired, a fulfilling love. Not an underground life. An option for them that involves honoring themselves. Young and old men honoring themselves.

This law does educate the public. It becomes a non-issue. And people's attitudes shift towards love and acceptance. Bullies and phobes perhaps lay that aside.

Washingtonians are not particularly affectionate publicly. Like people in cooler climates everywhere. Straight folks don't hold hands much on the streets either. I'm happy to see multiple beautiful gay and lesbian couples holding hands here and there. In the hospital, on the sidewalk. Perhaps with increased confidence. A quiet glowing, at long last.

donald duck orgasm

This sound clip brings a smile to my face every time.
Hear donald duck's orgasm here: http://youtu.be/KAsrhd6ujEw

gay marriage election wins

For the first time in U.S. history, after 32 state referendum loses, two states have voted to approve gay marriage by a voter majority: Maine and Maryland! This is huge. Minnesota voters rejected a state constitutional ammendment which would have outlawed gay marriage. Wisconsin elected the nation's first openly gay senator: Tammy Baldwin. And here in Washington we're still awaiting election counts on referendum 74, which would legalize gay marriage. The initial results are hopeful.

Public consensus continues to shift. Thank goodness. Thanks to demographics changes. And thanks to gay people having conversations with others.

It is good that public consensus change come about from the ground-level. To have a law imposed on a people unwillingly does no one any good. This is really a good way: one conversation, one community, one state, one locale at a time.

nearby bridge

The statistic that I heard yesterday that most impressed me was that of the people that voted for gay marriage in Washington, 12% of them have had a complete change of heart in just this last year. Something is happening.

The other experience that comes to mind was last month standing at the kitchen counter with three of my sisters. Two of them had not spoken to me for some time - feeling awkward about my newfound gay partnership. Yet when we brought up the marriage of my brother, they seemingly naturally turned to me and asked me about my intentions to marry my partner! I could not believe my ears. Progress has come with many tears, judgements, and years, but as sure as the water flows down a river, public consensus seems to be shifting in the favor of love. Thank you universe. Thank you people.

Here's an article in this morning's online paper that elucidates several excellent principles in the shift: how-gay-marriage-finally-won-at-the-polls. It educates me as to how to better approach others.

sunny cliffs hike

I planned a quick trip over the mountains into the sunny desert region. We were fortunate to get some nice weather, despite it being November in North America. This desert only receives 8 inches (20 cm) of rain per year.

 

Two of us hiked nude for a while, our other companion didn't.
We all had fun. We layed on a sheet here to relax and sun-bathe.

found this rock heart along the hike - awwww

I had wanted to body-paint,
and took a few minutes to do something simple on my own.

beautiful late fall colors at the cliffs and lakes

mormon missionary positions

OMG! I couldn't stop laughing, especially since I grew up mormon. Here are some great pictures I found on Scottblog:

There is something incredibly hot about the forbidden-ness of this whole thing :). See more images from the original source here: http://mormonmissionarypositions.com/

holding back

In many cases its good to hold back.

If anyone saw the movie "Hitch" with Will Smith and Kevin James, this principle is one of the key points the "Love doctor" tried to teach Kevin Smith's over-eager character. Sometimes restraint is attractive. And throwing yourself at someone can turn them off.

The other night I came accross wonderfully sculpted wolverine look-alike in the hallway. He eyed me, I eyed him. It being the bath-house, we cross paths again shortly in another space, and slowed for a gentle smile and eye contact. One of us reached out to touch the abs (versus the crotch). I was amazed at the bulk of his muscles, particularly his ass and shoulders. But didn't spend alot of time on them with my hands. Think - restraint. We gently touched, then within a minute or two handled each others' hard-ons. Also a little restraint.

If I had immediately started groping his ass, or gone down on my knees to adore his half-flaccid cock, perhaps my over-eagerness would have scared him off. I'm generally put off when guys come at me like they're starving, too much too soon. If they're super hot its only slightly alleviated for a few minutes, as I digest the flattery of it, but then start to squirm away at his over-bearing pushyness.

I guess part of it is the dance. Perceptivity of what each other like. If he slows down for a few seconds to see what I like and don't like. And I "listen" enough to his body-language to "see" what he likes and dislikes, and respond appropriately. In the case of mr. wonderfully sculpted, after a few minutes I did let my hand follow the crack down of his two gluteus muscles. Amazing. My middle finger explored the masucline hairy zone to the rectum. He gently reached his hand back and moved my hand away to his lower back. Bingo: he doesn't want to be fingered. Listen. Set that expectation aside. Explore somewhere else, there are dozens, if not hundreds of other options.

Alot of guys bull-doze their way physically in what they like. If they like the nipples, even if I'm super ticklish there and keep moving their hands away, they keep pressing and trying to pinch the nipples. Annoying. Or a one-track top. Or the guy who keeps kissing like a snake - jutting his tongue out like the one-trick-wonder he's become. What would be more attractive is if he danced with his partner, taking into account the individual person's in front of him likes and doesn't.

In the above case with mr. wolverine, sometimes I wonder how someone so average like me can have the good fortune of mixing with such a hottie like him. I've often wondered this as I have the priviledge of playing with such beautiful men. There are many parts to the answer I think. 1. Shy. Many beautiful guys are shy to some degree or don't see themselves as beautiful deeply, so making the first gentle move is flattery to them, as they might be too shy to do so themselves. I'm suprised by how many guys are waiting for someone else to make the first move, or flirtation. 2. Confidence. People in general, inside or outside the bedroom, are grateful for a person with quiet confidence. Not arrogance. But still assurance. When I don't have it, I fake it, then I usually make it. Even being fairly average-looking myself, the confidence makes me attractive, I am told, and I believe. I am neither model-quality, nor the ugly duckling. Somewhere in the middle. I'm attracted to alot of guys like me too, boy-next-door, so why not believe that they can be attracted to me? 3. Restraint. In my head I'm not desperate. I tell myself that if this experience does not work out, I have the competence, skill, and happiness to find it elsewhere. Abundance over scarcity. There are many great guys in the world. I don't rush into kissing or groping or whatever. I think that restraint itself is attractive. In my long-term relationship this principle still applies, though its looks different. Perhaps a topic for another time. 4. Blessor. I see sex as a legitimate expression of love and kindness. An opportunity to "bless" others and myself, leaving us both feeling fuller and happier. And I see every human being as divine and special. The demonstrates in the smallest ways loudly: adjusting the pillow for his comfort under his head, a smile, hands that give not just take. Though both are fun. Lust is a great avenue for the divine. And he is divine. I really beleive that.

Now please don't misunderstand. I don't think its cool to hold back the truth, especially from your intimate partner(s). Holding back one's feelings - forever - is not generally good either. Holding back professionally questionable.

But I think we get the idea. Here's a clip from the movie. The character of Kein James has hired Will Smith's character to teach him how to romance. Funny true stuff: http://youtu.be/DSpJQlBJCzA

reassure him

We recently tried an exercise from the book Ethical Sluts. The two female authors suggest sitting together or separately with your intimate partner and writing a list of 10 things he can do to reassure you. These need to be behaviors, not emotions. For example, to say, "Love me more," is difficult to meet concretely, but "hold my hand" is an observable behavior. When done, share the list with each other.

Here are a few examples.
1. Touch me often.
2. Leave me a note.
3. Send me a text when I'm at work.
4. Snuggle with me for 5 minutes at night in bed.
5. Sit next to me.

6. Do the dishes.
7. Talk about our future together.
8. Do the laundry.
9. Prepare food for us.
10. Call me a sweet name, like love, or hon.

Yes, this requires some personal vulnerability. That's intimacy. It can be heavenly if you do it. This is not a demand list. But it sure helps to know how to reassure your partner.

same love

A friend of ours has family that was involved in the making in this video about same sex love. I love it.

civility and doubt

I rarely take the time to listen to full videos online - like this one: http://vimeo.com/51201786. Today I am sick and took the time - and this one was amazing. It has many of the long-term Gandhi-like principles I believe in, but often don't let settle over my own personal conflicts. Like this voter initiative in my state on gay marriage. Part of me gets all bunched up in crisis mode. And then dialogues like this come along to give me peace and direction, long-term hope and confidence in people.

A couple of my take-away points, for those who won't have the time to view this conversation.

• Social change comes one community, one state, one locale at a time.
• That's the beauty of our system - an organic consensus - not an imposed mandate.
• Opinions change by people meeting and being friends - welcoming "the other side."
• Civility and doubt are good partners. Doubt being partly not knowing the "right" answer all of the time.
• The merit of having people that are not like you in your circles - they help you know what you don't know.

This video is a keeper. I want it on my blog, if anything, to refer to it again. To take the time to glean again while folding laundry, washing dishes, or exercising.