compersion video

Compersion is the act of experiencing joy when your partner is having joy, even sexual joy, with another. It is the opposite of jealousy.

Here's an interesting 3-minute video by National Geographic on polyamorous compersion.
Polyamory | National Geographic Channel: Meet a polyamorous triad - a family with two men and one woman sharing a loving relationship.

opening up

"[Monogamous] couples [are] 'the most stable form of relationship and also the most prone to stagnation, rigidity, and self-delusion.'" From Tristan Taormino's book, Opening up, A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships, quoting Raven Kaldera's book Pagan Polyamory.

"One of the benefits of having more than one partner is that there's more than one person to call you on your shit.... Members of a couple can grow quite comfortable with the dysfunctional patterns of their dynamic - there's no one around to say, 'I notice that you avoid this topic whenever it comes up.' When another person enters the mix, it can really shake things up...

"When one person tells you something about yourself, you can ignore it more easily - you can think it is just their opinion or chalk it up to misperception. But when two people who know you well tell you something, it's much harder to ignore, especially when it's not a friend or acquaintance from the outside, but someone in the relationship - who has deep, intimate knowledge of the players, personality, and dynamics. This level of intimacy coupled with accountability can help members of polyfidelitous relationships change and grow.

"The other side of that coin, though, is this: the more people in a relationship, the more difficult communication can become. Every member must work to stay connected to the others, so no one feels left out of the loop..."


one benefit of non-monogamy

From a member of a triad: "My husband works full time and is the main breadwinner. My wife works part-time and then throws pots part time while she tries to get her pottery business off the ground. I am a housewife. While they are out of the house, I do all of the cleaning and shopping. This frees up our collective time together. We have more free time than any of our other friends who are in traditional relationships."

polyamory disclosure

Our previous agreement wasn't working. It was that I tell my partner within a day if I'd had a sexual experience with another. Half of the time it seemed like it never was "the right time." But I wanted to keep our "rule" so I'd tell him, and it just seemed so random, sometimes leaving us both feeling awkward and some distance.

Yesterday we talked and came up with another experimental agreement. I'll still tell him, just write it down in a place where only he and I see. That way, when he's ready, on his own time, he can access our communication. He can respond at that time either in that medium or in person. It doesn't replace our verbal communication. We're charting new territory for us both, and trying to be creative in meeting both of our needs.

I call it polyamory instead of just an open relationship, because I am open to love and friendship, conversation and intimacy with more people than solely my partner.

threesome lady

I was helping her shower, hot water splashing onto my clothes. Not some kinky scenario, just a day at work helping an elderly lady in one of my job descriptions.

Out of the blue she asked me, "Do you have a girlfriend?"

"No," I said, not giving much information.

"What?!" She turned her head to look at me. "What do you mean you don't have a girlfriend?"

"Well, I don't have a girlfriend, but I do have a partner. Now she seemed really puzzled. "My partner's a guy." She kept scrubbing the shampoo off her gray hair, looking up past the faucet. "People do that nowadays you know," I chuckled.

She chuckled and kept rinsing herself. Thinking. A couple of minutes passed.

Then out of the blue, "Have you ever had a threesome?"

Feeling adventuresome, I responded, "Yes."

"Was it with two guys or two women?" she ventured matter of factly.

"That's kinda personal, you know," came my response. So she lathered up with her dove soap some more. I had to help her keep her balance due to a handful of medical conditions.

Almost to herself she started in. "Back in the day I had a threesome. One day my husband came home with a hair up his ass. He asked if he could bring another person home for us. Well he brought home another guy, and it was the best fucking sex I ever had. All I can remember was screaming in ecstasy in the middle of them. We did it one more time after that."

Wow, how do you respond to that, other than with a big smile?

It's funny to me how varied an experience I can get from coming out to someone. It's not something I seek out, but which I don't make any effort to hide either. I'm particularly amused by straight women who all of a sudden feel like they can share their most hard-core sexual secrets with me. The above was a particularly random and amusing situation.

after

geat drops of sweat dripped off my forehead

from on top him

I looked out the window

reveling

then back onto his body

treasure trail leading down

 

after

I walked

in crisp air

up the drizzly hill

refreshed

glad to be alive

glowing if I could

 

after

I think of my partner

read his text

asking where I am

I text tell him

worry creeping in

 

am I doing the wrong thing?

is he mad?

will he leave me?

 

after

I sometimes feel insecure

glad for this freedom

but

wondering if my man

who I adore

can handle my adventures

 

once

after

I withdrew

and he held me

with time I felt connected

again

 

he withdraws a bit

sometimes I have the energy

to go after him

and hold and make it alright

 

other times I don't

resent that he's withdrawing

and I'm withdrawing

and that I'm worrying

 

opportunity to grow

and bless

and put on the king

 

 

three lovers?

"Could you handle three girlfriends?

Polyamory allows multiple relationships in an open, honest way. But don't they get jealous?"

Here's an MSN Entertainment news link that I found interesting and enlightening, 2.25 minutes long.

 

third intentions?

I've wanted to have another man or men in our life. Not just me hooking up on the side - though that surely has been beautiful. But a guy that would ideally live with us, and share our lives.

I talked about it with my partner, I think, on our first date. It has been an idea that's intrigued me ever since I was 15. I'd heard about the idea of polygamy, and thought that it had many potential strengths. The last few years I've more specifically thought that living in a little commune of sorts would be ideal too. A multi-generation intentional living arrangement. With privacy for smaller family units, high-tech, but also some additional community spaces like a kitchen and eating area. We've drawn up some preliminary sketches - more brainstorming and musing really.

To be frank we're both at different stages on a timetable of how we want to pursue it. Of course we're two different human beings, with different tracks in careers, finances, exercise routines, recipe choices, and so on, as expected. Recently we had another amazingly hard but good talk about it, being vulnerable and communicating radically.

I'm a believer that for things to materialize they often have to be specifically dreamed. Blueprinted. Intentions sent to the universe. An extra plate set at the table. If only to show self that one is thinking about it. Specific conversations had.

I'm in no rush. It could be years from now. Or it could look alot different. Two couples. A five-some. An international little network of close-knit friends that share homes and lives. But here's to dreaming, and taking little baby steps in that direction.

with William and Quayle

sacred sexuality discussion group

The concept of sacred sexuality is surely not a new one. Many of us perceive this in our experience. So I was intrigued when I heard of a local discussion group on the topic. I decided to go and find out what this group was like.

The Center for Sex Positive Culture hosts a monthly discussion on sacred sexuality. It takes a skillful facilitator to honor everyone present and bring enough creativity to the room to involve everyone in ways that are refreshing and central to why the people are there. I enjoyed the age diversity, that there was alot of white and grey hair in the room, a sign of potential wisdom and blessing energy. I noted that seven of the ten people were obese or morbidly obese. I liked their frankness.

A few ideas I heard:

• the inclusion of ritual, and the imbuing or calling down certain energies or archetypes into certain objects like a dildo or pillow
• a marriage contract of limited duration
• the use of rope around the wrists in certain wedding ceremonies throughout the world - and its imagery
• the inclusion of both light and dark energies in sex
• my own personal reaffirmation that where there is a void or a need I/we have the opportunity to stop waiting for someone else to fill it, and step in and fill it ourselves... be our own best teacher - mentor - guider of meditations - leader of groups we wish existed - instigator...

One story I'll share:

An exotic soft-spoken woman spoke of being in college years ago. In this all-women dorm, a young female yearned for her lover that was posted in a foreign military post. She missed him dearly. He had left, as token of his memory, a bottle of his cologne. And instructed her, that when she missed him, that she pull out the bottle of cologne and smell him. And remember him, call his image forth, and gain strength.

One particularly difficult evening she found herself missing him terribly. She didn't know if she could do it alone. She gathered her dorm-mates and asked them for a special favor. Would they spray a little bit of that cologne on them, and hold her? And let her remember him?

They agreed. She closed her eyes, and they took turns holding her. And whispering sweet nothings in her ears. It turned into a very sacred moment. Some kissed her on the neck, and on the lips.

The woman recounting this story says that she now identifies as lesbian. But to her knowledge none of the other women identify as lesbian. Yet they shared in this sacred, unsolicited way, spontaneous, a treasured space. She marvelled at this moment.

I marvelled when I heard it.  

friends with benefits

from nychottop on dn's website: http://www.myspace.com/morisona

Some people say that sex between friends ruins things. My experience has not been so. In fact, it's some of my favorite moments of intimacy. It sweetens things tremendously. And looking back, are some of the experiences that get me hard just thinking about them, months later.

Recently I had the good fortune to fuck dancing partnered leader beau. Him curled up under me moaning, wow. Knowing him, having been to his place, been to lunch, hiked with friends, made it all the more meaningful.

Then with techy foodie artist cyclist sunbather got to chat and try on harnesses. Later we sat on his bed and stroked eachother, then ourselves to cum. I like that most of our interaction has been non-sexual, creative, and feels like friends.

My brother-friend traveler attention-whore at a party (he'd read this and agree) is someone I love and fight with like a brother - in the past. We met years ago and have been close. He really is like my brother. And after talking opened up to some physical intimacy a couple times while in a group. We'd been consciously avoiding it, but then decided that we were big enough to handle it. It in fact was very sweet, and hasn't changed much. If anything we're amused, and it allows us more scenarios as fellow adventurers.

I met waiter bi cuddler texter sexually first. He's not someone I would have typically met. We've met a handful of times since, helped eachother through an STD scare, and I've relished bottoming for him. Culturally he's very sweet and whispers cute things. It's a friendship. In this case a friendship more hyped around sex, still, an affection and esteem.

The man that I cry for when he leaves for a trip is also a friendship like no other. Here we match on various additional levels, and I intend to spend the rest of my life with him. Thank heavens I met him. Our attachment is unrestricted, I allow myself to go to a vulnerable place with him. The thought of his many kindnesses still melt me and arouse me.

also from http://www.myspace.com/morisona

push-ups master nicknames

This post is a long time in coming, I'm finally getting around to it. It's been one I've intended to do for a while. With winter here, there's a little more time. I wanted to highlight some pictures we took this summer showing off a new friend's favorite sex position: push-ups. I'll focus in this post primarily on the guy with the obvious top energy. My other friend, longtime brother-friend flirt, appears in many of my posts.

I don't show faces of those of us who aren't yet ready. In the future I'll be posting more of my own face and videos, once I have more independent employment and income, for the meantime this is a good compromise I think. :) 

It's funny because my new friend could go by several names. He could be sexy construction pounder, or skilled outdoors go-getter, push-ups master with the guys, depending on what characteristic was desired emphasized. The descriptive "names" are best generally flattering, knowing that often the recipient will be reading about themselves, and, I hope, smiling.

My friend could also be: ready nature nudist, sparky nude sun-bather, man's-man no bullshit sweetie, playful randy nature lover.

Favorite positions change with time and mood. What was once our preferred way might morph or become boring, only to be re-discovered later. That's one of the great things about sex and intimacy: exploring. It's one of the places where we can be playful, discover, be intimate, alive.

Some of the nicest photos come from natural poses. Better said, not posed at all, and people just doing things they would do naturally. Here nature nudist sun-bather was just relaxing while I fiddled with my camera, doing one of the things he loves: soaking up the sun on bare skin. It made a great shot. So un-posed is often a winner.

Another random thing I learned is that odds and ends items get left in pictures, sometimes spoiling a picture. Like shoes, a water bottle, a backpack. Then I have to crop them out. Or they ruin an beautiful mountain water sunset. There's so much to capture as a photographer, and I get so drawn into the bodies, that I sometimes don't see the "clutter" in the pictures until I'm at home looking on my computer at the pictures. And assistant would be useful, another set of eyes to catch things that could be manipulated.

One of the sexiest things for me is seeing men embrace, and watching their hands. Hands tell alot about what is going on, the energy that's flowing. Kindness and love mixed with lust is such a potent combo!

I had to include one more push-ups picture. The closed fists, possibly missed in viewing, for a look at the cock, nonetheless imply power and strength from the periphery. Virility. Something we're all attracted to.

And finally a magical almost-sunset picture. I love the two heads together. There's passion and frenzy, but there's also awareness of eachother and sweet intimacy.

The world is a better place for moments like these.