orgy in a dream

Last night I had an unusual orgy dream. Unusual because I hardly ever dream of orgies or actual penetrative sex.

I dreamed that some of my buddies were lounging around in a crowded apartment cuddling and talking. I pulled out the video camera. Tal Oregon Cutie asked me to film him. He sat in the window sill and Diminutive Smiley Flirt sat on his cock.

Interestingly soon my parents were in the room, on the floor, and my dad penetrated my mom in the same public fashion, he on his back. Mind you, I've NEVER had a dream of my parents having sex before. It's not something I think about really, or had any strong emotions about during the dream.

Next - in the dream - we were out in a wide desert and I was trying to find the orgy. I had another friend with me. I spoke to the person in charge, who assured me I'd find it. Looking around, the desert was flowing with water everywhere - mini-water-falls every few dozen meters. I settled on the ground with a group of guys waiting...

Often dreams parallel our awake-world experiences. Or dreams can appear to make no sense at all. In this case in "real life" I'd been thinking about HUMP, the local amateur porn festival and filming something with a handful of guys I know. But the parents-in-intercourse scene came completely out of nowhere. I'm amused actually because it represents something new and fresh.

I took a 12-week Jungian dreams course with four students in group format. We kept dreams journals and learned fascinating and useful strategies for the intersections of these two worlds - the awake world and dream world.

One of the concepts we learned is that recurrent nightmares with strong negative emotions can represent an area in our conscious life where we are stuck. Not until it is flowing again does the dream evolve to a new scenario, or stop being a nightmare. So the coming of new imagery and situations in dreams is often parallel with growth  - a good sign.

Dreams are often partially a mystery. We can uncover part of the meaning, but need not become too obsessed with explaining every detail. In fact, we can't. We can instead hold images or the question in our mind.

Dreams in many cultures represented great wisdom. Perhaps a portal to a very-real world of ancestors or other dimension. Perhaps if we are not addressing something in the conscious world, it makes itself manifest in the unconscious world. Thus achieving a balance and groundedness greater than our own individual wisdom. Using big words - a psychological homeostasis is achieved. Dreams unblock areas where flow is needed in our awake life.

This particular dreams teacher, in response to a question I had about sex in dreams, said that often people with a full or satisfactory sex life don't hardly dream of sex. Just like a functional partnership or relationship. But sex appears more frequently in dreams when it is missing or needing resolution on some front. Interesting trends.

bring out the bad ass

check out their website, it's actually pretty fun -
I like the blog part esp

There's a power in the bad ass that is both scary and attractive.

You ever noticed that some people often gravitate to dating a tough-guy, someone that doesn't necessarily follows all the conventions, but lives for the hell of it?

A guy I layed out at the beach with last month said that a few summers ago he let his hair grow long and spiked it up to a Mohawk. He walked the streets of San Francisco where he lived then, and said he'd never gotten so many invitations to get laid.

Sometimes in a creative meeting, in the bedroom, in a relationship, it's time to let aside the good-boy, the in-the-box persona, and let it rip. I'm not talking about being rude necessarily, I'm talking about going and getting what you want - being freed from restrictions. This is the genius where marvels are born at times.

If a relationship can't handle this bad ass from time to time, either 1) its not worth it anyway, or 2) you haven't made enough relational deposits into the emotional account. Perhaps there are other reasons too I'm not considering right at this moment.

Sometimes it's this very bad ass energy that's willing to break through the traditions and get you what you've always wanted. Claim the love you know is possible. Bring the value to the tribe.

In the Jungian philosophy, there exists in each of us various archetypal energies. I think the bad ass is one of them.

sex centrality

Some of us yearn for more intimacy than is usually available in modern routine lives. We are often separated by suburbs, spread-out neighborhoods requiring cars, prosperous multi-room houses, jobs in cubicles. Intimacy comes because of physical proximity, conversation, working together on projects, being vulnerable, taking a risk. Sexual intimacy is just one of many intimacies - a very central one.

Sex is at the heart of humanity.

Many of the world’s problems could be resolved by increasing our sexual introspective awareness and skill.

We’d communicate better.
We’d feel confident.
We’d be aware of our power.

We respect and honor others and ourselves.
We feel sexier (wild, alive!).
We have amazing connections.

A while ago I read The Sex Diaries Project by Adrianne Cohen, which inspired me to share some of my world of inner taboos. Much of society shrouds the subject of sex with silence. Worse yet, censorship, shame, judgment, or words like “dirty” and “nasty.”

I believe that pleasure is good. Beauty is to be celebrated. Our bodies and our own experiences are a source of truth.

This blog is somewhat like a journal, wild, uncensored, true, sacred, messy, brilliant, weird, exploratory, self mentor-like, and hopefully provides value.

I don’t yet fully identify myself here, but hope to do so at some time. Identifying details of other individuals are omitted or changed, unless someone wishes otherwise, in a world still opening up. Wouldn’t it be nice if we lived on a planet where people talked about the things that are central to them openly, without fear of backlash, hearing the experiences of others too and gaining insight?

connection communication

The quality of our connection with others
depends on the quality of communication.

from Ph86 on dudes nude, with his permission

In my relationship I am often reminded of my inadequacy in communicating. At times I have skill, other times I'm at rope's end, feeling flustered and skill-less. My latest resource is the movement around non-violent communication - empathy specifically. I got the above written gem this morning looking at local nvc workshops.

on pussy

A lot of times us gay guys have some negative things to say about pussy. Visceral even.

Isn't there enough shaming already?

A very sexy girlfriend of mine noted that she'd heard plenty of it. She wondered if she'd be welcome at a food socializing event. She'd been many years to Burning Man, has several close gay friends, and it seems that few of them have filtered their remarks.

Seeing the Vagina Monologues - a series of monologues about women and their sexuality - impressed me immensely. I recommend it for everyone. What most stood out to me was the negative messaging from society: things like: dirty, fishy, smelly, hidden... the list goes on. It takes pioneering courage, even in this day, for many women to counter the messaging and replace it with healthier beliefs like: beautiful, attractive, desirable, glorious. Isn't that what we'd want for ourselves and our genitalia? For those of us who want kids, for our future daughters?

Even if you don't find the vagina personally attractive, cannot you agree on principle that women everywhere would be better served with praise and acceptance of who they are by birth? All of them. We, like many groups of people, know what it is to be marginalized or ostracized. Let's not perpetuate other people feeling shamed or weird about who they are.

Our girlfriends deserve our conscious support. In fact, celebration.

sex or no sex

Would I live in a relationship with no sex?

No.

Minimal and infrequent sex?

Nope.

Under extenuating circumstances: severe illness, disability, extreme occurrence, I’d stick with my partner(s).

I know of many couples, accomplished and brilliant friends, who nonetheless have sex only a handful of times per year. I couldn't do it. I won't do it.

I think it also is every person's opportunity to stand up for what they will and will not have. Even with your partner(s) who you love dearly. This means that you'd be willing to leave them under certain circumstances. Or change the agreements under which you live and relate.

Sex with others is no substitute for close intimacy between partners. It doesn't have to be penetration and ejaculation each time. There are hundreds of ways to be close, physical, and spin that magical web that bonds us. The nature of it changes somewhat with age I imagine, as to specific acts, but people of all ages can be intimate, feel good together, and be physical. I imagine sex even in my 90’s, even if it looks a bit different than now.

Sex is an important part of intimacy and connecting and loving. It is a parallel of many other realms. Physical union between long-time partners is a bit different than short-term partners. I'm still figuring that one out. Loving it. And learning what are negotiables and non-negotiables.

feeling like it

Ever not feel like it? Sometimes I don’t feel like being sexual, or kissing, or cooking, or talking, or listening. What do I do then? Sometimes I do it anyways. The end result for a relationship can be remarkable. It’s a gift to my partner(s).

Sometimes it’s late at night, and I’m tired. I don’t feel like kissing. But if I sense that he does, I go with it. Linger a bit longer. Because I love him, and know that he’ll feel loved by me. Bonus: the feeling often kicks in. Action sometimes precedes the feeling. A couple of spare minutes can go a long way.

Another time I might be getting home from work frazzled and ungrounded. But he’s excited to tell me something about his day. I can listen for a couple of minutes and take joy in his joy. I might not be able to give him 20 minutes of listening right then, but I can do a couple of minutes, even when I’m not feeling it, before I head over to take a shower and unwind. Because I love him.

Maybe I don’t feel like cuddling and having sex at all times. But if he crawls into bed and wraps his arms around me, puts his groin up to my ass, suddenly I feel like it a bit more. On those occasions when I’m still not feeling it, I allow it because he’s my man. I want to encourage him. I want him to encourage me when the tables are reversed.

Say I decide to hook up with someone from online. I turn off my computer and start getting ready to head over to his place. But somewhere along the way my libido decreases and I don’t feel like it. Do I cancel the hook up or dog him (not show up)? My take is no. I said I was going to. For me there’s often a period on the way there, whether it be to a hook up, the dance floor, or to a new social experience, where my feelings aren’t matching the direction my body is going. But because I gave my word, I go, and 95% of the time I have a marvelous time, and I’m glad that I went. If I wasn’t going to go, then I don’t say that I’m going to go.

My point is that we do things we don’t feel like doing sometimes. We treat people kindly (everyone, not just our life partner-s), keep our word, and give of ourselves even when we don’t feel like it every minute. Sometimes even sex starts without a strong feeling. A gift, a little leap. The feeling usually follows!

It is my expectation too that when someone says they'll do something, they'll follow through, even if the don't - every minute - feel like it.

men who've killed

coming out of the water

Life provides the opportunity to meet some interesting people - including guys who have killed other people, usually in connection to being in the military.

This blog post might be too "taboo" for some readers. Or just too heavy. But it's something I've thought about, and something that faces many of our excellent men called upon to do this as part of their job. Not that I agree with all the wars. This is something that most of the people they encounter are unprepared to talk about or even listen to. So many ex-soldiers end up doing one of the worst things for their well-being: never talking to anyone about a subject that is HUGE to them.

I think I have this ability to allow people to open up. And I'm inquisitive and ask non-standard questions.

Let me put the most outrageous experience first. A while back ago I hooked up with someone on grindr while at the Grand Canyon. He had recently been in the military. Yummy crew haircut. We met late at night and he drove me to a beautiful look-out point. Yeah, kinda sounds like the start to a horror movie, but it was cool. We went to a bench, and under the stars had a pretty fleshy experience. We talked a bunch before and after. He opened up about he having had to kill people while in the service. Including running over children who would not step out of the way of their tanks - children put there by their parents, some of them with explosives. He wouldn't say how many he'd killed, but he did say that it was a lot. Men of the opposing army shooting at him mostly.

He talked about his job later as security for a store. And how he'd apprehended a young thief and brought him down to the ground, accidentally breaking his nose and creating a frightful bloody scene for the other shoppers. He explained that he'd been trained to kill, and had killed before, so scaling back his automatic techniques to just apprehending a person was taking some adaptive consciousness. Wow. I felt for him. And awed at the variety of our human experience.

Next is an international man I met at work. I first noticed him scoping me out in the break room. Smiley. Built. Always a little bit of attraction tension, but never did anything. Over months I got to know him and we'd google things about his country. Come to find out he'd served in his country's army and had also shot and killed invading soldiers. I asked him how he felt then, and now. He said that it was a part of his job, that all men his age were required to enlist, and that if he wouldn't have shot them, they would have shot him. (Notice he didn't say how he felt.) He seemed to have adapted, and had calming social skill and manner. I too felt safe around him.

I've met others too, and had the initmate experience of talking about this phenomena. Two other men I met through work. Conversed quietly and in confidence. How it's impacted their life. They've done remarkably well I marvel.

In another life as a missionary (another story for another time), I met with thousands of people in their homes. I can remember chills going up my spine as a woman talked of stabbing to death her abusive husband. The energy of that night came back into her eyes, the anger and single-mindedness, and while I was not afraid for my safety, I was creeped out, and wanted out.

A central-american gangster who had killed a few on the streets of L.A., and who loved talking to us. Another immigrant refugee who'd escaped with his life after taking many others. Mothers who had traveled to the U.S. illegally, been raped by their coyotes (name for their transporters) enroute, and witnessed crimes involving death.


The subject of death is one that I work with frequently. Whether it's a young man who's tried to kill himself, or a middle or older-aged person who's just been given a few more weeks to live with a terminal diagnosis, or the new man ordered to pull the trigger or keep driving, these magnificent people touch me. I think about them. There has to be a certain ability, among some, to speak about the unspeakable.

admiration

Admiration can begin physically and then proceed to other realms like spiritual and social, or any other, in any order.

pleasure is good

 

"Sex is nice and pleasure is good for you. We've said this before, and it bears repeating. In our present lives, your authors enjoy sex for its own sake, and it feels natural and comfortable, but we want you to know that it wasn't always this easy for us. In a culture that teaches that sex is sleazy, nasty, dirty, and dangerous, a path to a free sexuality can be hard to find and fraught with perils while you walk it. If you choose to walk this path, we congratulate you and offer you support, encouragement, and - most important of all - information. Start with the knowledge that we, and just about everybody else who enjoys sex without strictures, learned how to be this way in spite of the society we grew up in - and that means you can learn too.

What Is Sex, Anyway?

The word "sex" gets used as though everyone agrees on what it means, but if you ask people what they actually do when they have sex, you'll hear about a huge range of behaviors and interactions.

We have talked before about sex being part of everything and about everything being part of sex. Now let's talk about the parts that most people call sex - the parts that involve lips and nipples ... and cocks and orgasms. Sex may involve these parts, but we don't think it's about them; the genitals and other erogenous zones are the "how," not the "what."

The "what" - what sex actually is - is a journey into and extraordinary state of consciousness, where we tune out everything extraneous to our emotions and our senses in the very moment, travel into a realm of delicious sensation, and soak in the deep connection that we share in sex. This journey is a voyage of awakening, as if the nerves whose job it is to transmit feelings of delight had been lying asleep but have suddenly leaped to attention, aflame, in response to a nibble or a caress.

Perhaps what we call foreplay is a way of seeing just how awake we can get - all excited attention from our earlobes and ankles out to the ends of our hair - the prickly of the scalp, the tingling in the arch of the foot. The glorious miracle of sexual anatomy is that any of these awakenings can set off the swelling in the loins, lips, nipples, cocks, ... which awakens lots more intense nervous networks buried inside us, till we are all lit up like fireworks.

Sex is anything you do or think or imagine that sets the train in motion: a scene in a movie, a person on the street you think is hot, swelling buds of wildflowers bursting in a meadow, a fragrance that opens your nose, the warm sun on the back of your head. Then, if you want to pursue these gorgeously sexy feelings, you can increase the swelling tension, and your sensual focus, with any kind of thinking or touching or talking that humans can devise: stroking, kissing, biting, pinching, licking, vibrating, not to mention erotic art and hot music and silky stuff next to our skin.

So sex covers a much larger territory than genital stimulation leading to orgasm. Sex that's limited to perfunctory foreplay and then a race down the express track to orgasm is an insult to the human capacity for pleasure." Okay, my note: there's a place for quicker hot sex too! But slowing it down to enjoy the intensity and be awake to it all is phenomenal too.

"... When we expand our concept of what sex is, and let that be whatever pleases us today, we free ourselves from the tyranny of ... hydraulics, the core of getting off ...

Pleasure is good for you. So do what pleases you, and don't let anybody else tell you what you ought to like, and you can't go wrong."



from: The Ethical Slut, by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy - larger print and different colors is my doing. I've quoted this book before.

I had to share this because it has opened my way of thinking to something I already believed, but had never heard anyone put into words, so beautifully, helping me have consciousness around what I'm doing, or what's going on.

2 minutes

 

Hehe, made you look. No, not writing a post on quick ejaculation. Yet :).

Want your partner(s) to feel loved and treasured? Here's one way. Try spending 2 minutes with him, when waking up, returning from work, and going to bed. Two minutes where you look at him, listen to him, cuddle with him, whatever. You're there for him, present to him. Making time to connect.

He'll feel special to you. Over time, these little moments will accumulate to a blanket of security and well-being. Like Stephen Covey's analgoy of deposits into a relationship bank account, you're filling him up with love and presence. Even if you're busy, spending 2 minutes with him shows your priorities - he among them. He might not consciously notice you're doing this, but he'll definitely feel it. Try not telling him you're doing this for a while. Surprise him with this subtle and powerful demonstration of how you feel about him. This will be harder for certain personality types, like type-A's, or less-sentimental guys to do, but you'll reap the benefits in a big way.

I got this idea from msn.com, one of their relationship pages, a few months ago. It works, and just seems right. Wouldn't you feel treasured if someone did the same for you?

morality and dick response

dildo on the dresser

Is there a correlation between said morality and dick size and response? I think so.

size

A previous boyfriend had all these rules about our intimacy. No touching below the waist. Pants stay on until we'd been dating for some time. If we ever got to oral, it would be with a condom. But he loved to kiss, talk sweetly, and be close. I'll call him hottie tall guy who broke my heart. A few times he got pretty horny and started to reach into my pants and disrobe me. I asked him if he wanted to break his own rules. My thinking was that I didn't want him to break his own rules in the heat of the moment, to later regret it. I wanted to support him in his goals - even if they weren't mine. I wanted him to do things conscioulsy.

He has a very small erect penis. And I'm not just saying that because it didn't work out between us (hehe). I wonder how much of his hesitation in whipping it out had to do with his self-consciousness about it being smaller than average. I think alot. Another intimate friend, marathoner pecs guy who turned me on like the energizer bunny, also has a smaller penis. Not that I care. He was so hesitant at first, not letting me touch his cock, but totally grabbing mine, and loving our physical intimacy. We ended up playing several dozen times. Way fun. Once he saw that I totally digged him, ALL of him, his cock hesitance disappeared. I loved his new confidence.

How many times do guys resist certain revealing sexual activities, primarily because of their dick size? They might cite moral obligations, STD fears, a desire to wait... but if they had a bigger dick - all or most of these cited excuses might be thrown out the window. I've met enough guys that I often take recitations of morality with a grain of salt. "Ah," I think, "he might be a bit shy about...." whatever.

As an ocassional nudist, I am surprised by how many gorgeous gym-bunny guys really show off their bodies, being almost nude at pools, outside, but will not take off that last piece of underwear. While citing that they wished they had the confidence to take it all off. Perhaps their dick does not reach their measurement of perfection? If their cock was bigger, would they take off that cute little speedo?

Then again, my friend monster cock chatty narcisist cutie, keeps his shorts on for exactly the opposite reason, everyone looks at his unit. He has nothing to be embarrased of, nice body, etc, but is.

Which leaves me thinking, wouldn't it be nice if more of us learned to love what we've got? Be good with it? That confidence is sexy.

I'm not especially good-looking, not esepcially large or small in penile length, not ugly, but not model-like. I'm fit but not especially photogenic like some guys are. I don't have stunningly wide shoulders, a trim waist, a bubble butt, a pretty-boy face. Often though I get what I want, who I want, or the experience that I want, because I make up for it in confidence. Or I seek them out. Please believe me too that the opposite is often true. I often don't get what I want, who I want, or the experience that I want - that time. Generally, even when I feel a bit shy, or not particularly sexy, I go ahead and act as if I did, and then it comes. Confidence and sexiness are traits. Not just physical beauty.

Another friend I work with, overweight young go-getter with killer attidtude, gets almost any guy he wants, in my judgement, because of his confidence. It not that he's nice, in fact he comes across as kind of a dick sometimes. And he's pretty fat. Just saying. Many guys are super drawn to him. He gets laid by twinks, muscle guys, average guys, short guys, tall guys, younger and older. He doesn't give his power to anyone. I love hanging out with and working with him. Admirable guy.

erections

I think the same about many "moral" resistances when it comes to erections. I've met many guys who might verbally say they don't do this or that. Judgmental about guys who do. All until they get an erection. Some guys don't get erections easily. This might have to do with age. Or tightly-wound self-judgments. Or a rapid mind that can tend to hijack the body's natural responses. Or past experiences. Or medical conditions, usage of some chemicals, and other reasons.

For whatever reason, when a guy feels like he's not being judged, by others, but also by himself, things seem to work quite naturally downstairs. Often. And in instances when not, it helps to remember that all sorts of fun and intimacy can be experienced still. Letting go of fixation on things working one way - hard cock - in-and-out of anus - releases one to experience beauty and divine play in a whole bunch of other ways.

My point is though, that alot of guys resist or judge because of their own erection response, even when they cite a whole bunch of other reasons. Omitting the real reason: it's hard for me to get/sustain an erection, I'm embarrassed about my penis size, whatever. Whether participation in a polyamorous venture, hooking up, or chasing the guy they'd like to go after, judgments often have to do with own personal insecurities.

Not rocket science here.

room for morality?

So is there room for morality? I think there IS room for values, guidelines, and spirituality. But please spare me the self-righteousness! Often morality judges, punishes, and excludes. If you find yourself resisting something strongly, take a look inside first and see if it comes from one of your self-messages, wounds, or insecurities. If you didn't have that insecurity, how different would you act? 

My perception is that many people's stated behaviors are much different than their wished behaviors.

other insecurities

Other insecurities people have, sound or not, are around testicle size, chest conditions, hair patterns, skin pigmentations, anomalies, etc. A couple of friends have had a testicle removed, for cancer, or plumbing twisting. Outdoors bearded 9-inch show-er replaced his missing testicle with a prosthetic, while wild topping verbal fiend left just the one ball. I'll stop here for now, but you can see that the list goes on.

grass is greener?

Is the grass greener on the other side?

I've been to the other side many times. I enjoy the foliage tremendously. And... I sure do love me my home grass.

some "decorations" added by a friend at an outdoor event

barren straight world

Most of the men in the world are straight. Most of the men I interact with are too. Often my need  for connection goes keenly unmet even after spending multiple hours with a mainstream group. Just this morning I spent two hours with a men's circle, and was reminded of this. Or several days ago when we walked along a beach with a male family member, who could not find any conversation more than a couple sentences. Or growing up as a teenager thinking "there's got to be more than this!" Men with no personal interest in talking to other men.

Yes, there are many notable exceptions in the male heterosexual mainstream who engage other males with keen social interest: my dad, one of my brothers, several college roommates, some co-workers, the list goes on. I am grateful for them.

Still I find myself relieved and gladdened that there are many gay and bisexual men in the world. Men who are interested in other men for conversation, companionship, besides the physical attractions. The modern label "homosexual" could also be "homo-emotional," "homo-social," "homo-intellectual," etc.

There are those of us that desire alot more intimacy (of whatever kinds) than is routinely available in modern interactions.

So when I find myself getting upset, or exasperated, I can think: never worry, I'm not getting my needs met in this circle, but I can meet them in another. There is abundance, not scarcity.

elevator activism

I stood holding hands with my man in the elvator. We approached a stop, and automatically both of us let go. A handsome middle-aged man walked in. We went up a few more floors... and here's the rapid succession of thoughts that zipped by in a few seconds...

I have lots of activist energy. Part of me wants to go rant in the streets, yell, wave my fist in the air, and confront something. Part of me wants to go stand on a busy street corner with my future hubby holding hands, letting people see. Maybe holding a sign. The state of Washington is having a voter referendum on gay marriage, and I want to help influence voters. Large numbers. I want to organize.

A wise older friend of ours, upon hearing me, introduced the concept of ''activism through normalization." He believes that most of our activism should not be yelling, and accusing, blaming, confronting, or even talking about gay issues. He believes that much of the best work is done by just being ourselves, loving partners, inviting people over to dinner, engaging with the mainstream as ourselves. He says ''they know," and they're already watching and thinking about it. His thoughts resonated with me and just felt right.

The last state I was in, Utah, in the last two months I was there, had four cases of physical violence against gay men. One was a ''curbing", where they put the young man's head on the street curb, and someone stomps on his head, breaking his jaw. I attended fundraisers for his hospital bills. I was outraged. Livid.

And here I am separating holding hands from my man on the elevator. Ironic.

So I said to myself: self, you've got all these grand activism ideas, and not alot of time to squeeze them in. How about you start with something simple and small... - like staying holding hands with your man - even on the elevator, when a cute middle-aged man - who is most likely straight - stands next to you. Be an activist by just being yourself. Don't hide. Take a risk, not just in front of a crowd, but in a quiet ordinary space.

By the time the bell dinged on the upper floor where we got out, I had decided. I'm now an elevator activist.

change our language

Change our language -

change our world.



Words are power.

to tell - or not to tell

How much do I share with my partner in an open relationship? Sometimes I do so because it's good for me, not necessarily because my partner needs to hear it.

It was my day to catch up on projects around the house. My Honey I Adore was at work. It started with me just checking my emails on a few sites. Then I got to looking at beautiful guys' profile pictures, and soon remember I hadn't gotten off over the weekend. We'd camped in a crowded area. Too noisy for our neighbors in the woods.

A twirling sensation below my navel amped up pretty quickly. And soon I really wanted to hook up. So I put it out there, and within a couple of hours had Shy Slender Guy Who Warmed Up Nicely over.

He was fairly nervous, but I could tell loved to kiss. Passion took over for a bit, erasing any awkwardness. Our hands roamed and stoked the fire. Sweetness and lust combined. I loved that he returned my caresses. Soon we grabbed eachother freely as we played with various thrusts, holds, and half-competitive explorations. I was hard soon enough. He was excited but didn't get hard. He expressed some regret over not being erect. I assured him that it didn't matter to me, that I was having a marvelous time, and that things didn't need to look any which way. He wanted to top me, but said that condoms caused him to go limp - something that alot of guys experience. I thanked him for the compliment, and stated that I only had intercourse with a condom on. But that there are a million other ways to have fun. He readily agreed. Didn't press. Just danced with me.

He relaxed and then got hard. Soon came the lube. Heavenly. He encouraged me to pseudo-fuck him: he lay on his back with his legs together, my cock thrusting him from on top, in that awesome area underneath the balls. Embraced and close. I held it off for a bit, but then at his encouragement orgasmed in between him - his legs.

We switched, and I got to enjoy his thrusts, on my back. He moaned in my mouth as his sperm escaped his cock below. Such sweetness. A romping primate now a melted pup. Something how that energy changes almost instantly at orgasm. And if we're present enough to stay connected and not withdraw inwardly entirely, magical like the glowing sun-hues at a sunset. Tenderness embodied.

We cuddled and then he mentioned he needed some energy. He had walked from some distance to my place. I wondered if he'd had the money for the bus-fare. He was nicely dressed with new clothes, had a cellphone too, but something about his manner and a couple of things he said about "freelancing" it made me offer to head out to lunch a few blocks away, my treat. He quickly accepted, and I was glad I had offered.

Lunch at a nearby food-joint was delicious. We ate near the water-way. Soon we parted, and I hope I'll connect with Shy Slender Guy Who Warmed Up Nicely again.

My Love came home several hours later, and asked if I'd done anything fun. Yes, I couldn't keep it in, (that darn "communicator" personality that the Sex Diaries author talks about), I'd hooked up with a cute guy, had fun, and I rattled of a few other things I'd done, exercised, talked with a friend on the phone from back East planning an upcoming campout, prepared images for an art project I'm doing, done some laundry. My Honey I Adore kept smiling and didn't ask questions. We talked easily about several things, but I had a little knot in my stomach, like I had committed an indiscretion. Even though I'd broken no agreement, something still felt a little surreal.

The next day we drove to an errand together. I kept thinking, do I tell my partner that the young guy I hooked up with the day before, by most accounts after, seemed to be homeless or similar, so I took him out to eat with me?

Part of me wants to share, because I'm excited. How often do I have the honor? And I remember how not-far-removed I am/was from this guy at one point in my life.

Part of me wants to be spared the questioning I assume will come, and judgments - implied or spoken. Did he steal anything? Why'd you let him in the house? ...

To tell or not to tell. That afternoon I decided not to tell.

And now I tell.

Not because the world needs to hear. But because I want to write it. In this quasi-journal of intimacy.

trail drama

It seems that no matter what there's always some drama on the trail. Even when it's a great group of friends. Doesn't matter if it's long-time trusted friends, new friends, or family.

Whether it's someone getting bitchy about being hungry, a lovers' misunderstanding, jagged emotions verbalized, or uncomfortably long silences, it seems that it is part of the human experience. It takes some forgiveness and adaptation to make groups work. Sometimes the mess is scary. Other times you just know it'll be fine.

imagine

Imagine if we had a gay military general, or a female military general. Do you think they'd send as many young men to their deaths?

experimental beach pics

It's fun to get a group that likes to take pictures, and is willing to try everyone's ideas. With digital photography its nice because one can click away and sample hundreds of images. Then delete the many that didn't work, flatter, or impress. And keep the ones that actually turned out, whether by intention or fluke. Above I'm trying some new editing software that puts a little haze and glossy coloration on the photo.

Naturally there's usually some either shy individuals, or not-amused-with-the-picture-taking folks. Sometimes they'll agree to take a few photos so that I can be in them too.

I recently went to an erotic art show that was amazing. Among the many things that intrigued me was the close-ups of bodies and interactions. I've decided to try a few more close-ups in the mix. Sometimes they are endearing, other times not.

Listening to the art judges panel, one juror said that she had been in many different nude or erotic photo shoots. It was her opinion that most any attractive model could stand there and look pretty, but that with pin-up girls and hot bodies were a dime-a-dozen. What really drew the artists' eyes were when the models communicated some sort of passion, happiness, rapture, or energetic something else. It didn't matter so much what they were communicating, but that they were communicating something, transporting the beholder somewhere else.

That idea resonated with me. I love to photograph nude friends out in beautiful nature. It seems that often many great photos are not posed, just people going about their business, having fun or exploring. I'll admit that I don't mind some cheeky posing - though I tend to try for the original even there. I'll take a model having fun any day over a perfectly sculpted body that is bored or non-creative. Groups with some camaraderie and playfulness often create a new exploratory energy. Combined with daring, flirtation, social amusement, and spark.

Here I tried a new editing feature involving crispness and slight 1960's coloration - not the warmth of some of the others. Over two days we hiked 18 miles with packs, and Zach's tiredness was genuine and sexy. A range of emotions and experiences with cameras clicking can produce some interesting images.