to scruffy star trek masturbator

Hi scruffy star trek masturbator,

I'm writing knowing that you're looking for this post :). Do you approve of the playful name above?

I'm also writing this like an open letter, because I haven't done it in this format yet. And because it's slightly taboo to do it like this. For various reasons.

We met online over a year ago, and just finally met yesterday. I enjoyed meeting you for coffee. Finding out what big city you were from originally, hearing about your friends, your path from shyness through a very cool degree (running towards your fears), and the pendulum swing - as you put it - between personal sexual attitudes, was all really cool and rewarding. I'm happy for your life path.

The fact that we were able to play physically a few hours later was hot icing on the cake.

For that stimulating experience, can I name a few things that turned me on? I super-enjoyed your scruffy musky beard man-scent; so erotic smelling your light beard, the natural human oil. I enjoyed running my hands on your inner thighs, hairy yumminess. Beauty looks so many different ways. And that cock. You're so cute. A delicious cuddler.

I look forward to meeting up with you again in whatever capacity on the friendship spectrum.

Others read this and perhaps have different feelings and judgments come up for them. I write this from a place of esteem being in infinite amounts, not scarce and needing to be hoarded, protectively owned only between a few relations. Sincerity towards one does not diminish sincerity to others.

A book I read this year suggested an exercise - to write a letter to a person you feel an attraction to - noting the specific attractions, and expressing affection for them. Sending it was optional. This on the idea that encounters are not just about the physical, but also really about love. (Omg, I did it again and said a taboo word here.)

I feel happy to have met you.  
temporary goatee volunteer masturbator

yesterday's self-shoot

Yesterday I took the time to take some photos. I was excited to use a new cell-phone mount for my tripod. All photos here are from my cell-phone camera. Plus, it was time to get some new pictures.

exploring the timer options,
various positions

hehe, trying out an older pose I used to do
a lot a few years ago,
for pictures more than in action

I often find it misleading in gay social networking sites for men to have photos that are several years old, with none that are current. So time to walk the talk.

I didn't like this lighting as much,
makes the skin seem so pale and lifeless,
but I suppose there are other elements.
I draped a dark blanket up on a door to experiment.  

This is also part of that "using my sexual energy for creative purposes" idea. I could sit there and waste time viewing profiles, which is my dark hole I get lost in. Or do something different and productive, still staying within the energy.

sporting different underwear,
before a satisfying happy ending

Wasting time is relative. Sometimes.

Boredom is relative. Depending on the person. I sat with my partner and looked at various sexual things online. Some interested me, some him, some neither of us, but obviously very interesting to their participants.

I enjoyed taking some new pictures.

what to do with all this sex energy?

yesterday's self-photo-shoot,
inspired by shares with dual-continent skyper

? ? ?  That's the answer.

But here are a few (9) attempts to answer that question...

• Don't judge it. Notice it. See with interest how it affects my life in various ways.
• Use it. It's a lot of energy. Sex energy can also be at the center of creation, connection, wildness, power, embodiment. Find additional ways to allow its flow. Like fire, it can be a force for both destruction and creation. I can be aware of this and try to influence it in conscious directions.

 

• Allow it time. Give it time in your day to manifest directly. Like a tyrant child, it can tantrum and side-ways communicate until it is heard. It too has its needs and wisdom. Really. Many of us are born with a tremendous energy in this realm. After it has been fully honored, remind it that there are other players in your life. Then move on.
• Increase penetration time. Yup. If you think about fucking all the time... when you fuck, don't be over it so fast! Studies show that the average penetration time for men is about 2 minutes. No wonder we go about thinking about it all the time! Maybe even look at the clock and go for 10 minutes, 30 minutes. If it's not penetration, it could be something else, like holding, frottage, hand grasping his cock, you decide.

 

• Be conscious of the time used that amps up sex energy - like online viewing, grindr-ing, etc. Notice how your body and presence feels. Is this what I want to be doing? Sometimes its okay, sometimes its not.
• Be creative: give it an outlet to flow, like writing a blog (that's part of why I do this blog), photographing, loving and connecting in ways that are satisfying to you, hopefully working in a way that aligns with your gifts and mission, drawing, rowing with a team, joining a gay swim league, dancing, attending certain events. The possibilities are infinite.

 

• If its something you love, find a way to do more of it, in ways that align with your other life values and commitments. Change things that need changing.
• Release rigid expectation. Take joy in a lot of different expressions. Don't be too set on one specific act, like bottoming, a certain partner, a certain location. Be willing to take enjoyment in the million other ways it could look, like non-penetrative fun, skyping, reading a diagrams book with your partner, your local masturbation club, volunteering. Adapt and find joy in a lot of expressions.

 

• Be in your body. A lot of us with high sex drive are very alive in our body. Join a circus class, yoga, drumming, ecstatic dance, run in the elements, swim, balance on the bars. Our body likes to feel alive and powerful. It likes new things. This is part of the rush we get in sex. It is also had in many ways. I think many men feel a subconscious need to use their bodies.

nature bugs

For us who live in cities Nature is not natural.
Nature is supernatural. 

G.K. Chesterton



rock stacks on the beautiful U.S. northwest beaches last summer

Nature is supernatural to many of us, so unaccustomed we are to it.

Funny: at times a new friend will camp or hike with us, and comment, for example, on how many bugs there are. Yes, it's a part of the great wild outdoors.

mosquito bite

Yup, insects are a part of nature. As well as temperature extremes, unexpected changes in rain, sun, and wind patterns, scratchy leaves, and tiredness from hiking, sweating, finding a place to relieve yourself. It's a rude shock sometimes to people not used to these un-cushioned ways.

But along with all that also comes the awe-inspiring vistas, the serene grounding effect, the energy moving everywhere, the camaraderie, the opportunity to take a risk, feel wild, adapt, take it in.

There's an opportunity to accept everything as it is.

campfire relaxing
- the smoke keeps spring bugs away

couple help

Two guy friends of ours are having marital troubles. They've been together for as long as I've known them, which is several years, and are still in their 20's. They used to be among the most connected people I know. I attended their wedding - amazing, call my own honey sweet things that I heard them say first, and have enjoyed their company and exemplary intimacy.

I'd hoped that they'd be together forever, but now that's looking doubtful. For the last couple years there's been this jealousy and moodiness that wasn't there before. They were pioneering (for me) in polyamory, intentional community, and several other things. And now they're sleeping in separate rooms.

If I could tell them anything in the world, from my perspective, knowing them, it would be this:

1. keep flirting!
2. bless him!

Let me explain:

1. Keep flirting with your husband. You flirt with others, so you can with him. What I mean by this is keep saying sweet things, texting him, taking him out on dates, being excited to see him. If you don't feel it, do it, and the feeling will likely come. If you feel all lovey, well show it to him too. Be creative, keep winning him over, not taking him for granted. Just because you've been together for years doesn't mean you still don't try to be your best for him.

If he says, "sweets, I feel like you don't want to have sex with me anymore," for hell's sake don't respond, "well I don't"! Take the bigger picture. He's vulnerable and expressing a very intimate feeling of inadequacy. Ask him instead, "what can I do to let you know I want to have sex with you?" or "the feeling changes from time to time, I think that's natural, but I do love you and want you." Reassure him.

A lot of people say nasty shit behind the veneer of "honesty." You don't have to be so "honest" sometimes that you're rude and unsophisticated. Words are hard to take back. Keep judgments minimal, and talk more about feelings and wants.

This leads to the second:

2. Bless him. Be the bigger one. Put on some grandfather archetypal energy. (Even the toddler, from his high-chair, sometimes reaches out and hugs his weeping mother, for example.) Support him and don't react sometimes.

If he's hurting, hold him for a few minutes. If you're both hurting, support yourself as best as you can, then shelf it for a bit, and be there for him. Somebody's got to start it. Then later he can reciprocate.

• Say the words he needs to hear.
• Do the things he really wants done.
• Connect in the way he wants to connect.
• Bless him in the ways that mean the most to him.

(For me, some of them are:

• touching me on the head,
• using a couple of sweet pet-names that we have [I can't believe I'm disclosing this, lol],
• putting both hands on my shoulders and saying, "hey, I'm here for you,"
• holding me from above me - not below me,
• coming and sitting next to me - touching lightly).

No amount of anger, withdrawnness, feeling butt-hurt, can't be eventually worked through. Nearly everyone needs reassured. When it comes to partners, usually frequently.

engage and dis-engage

to connect or to separate

At times I go over-board on social websites. Sex websites. Too much time, and I notice my energy changing. Then I have to pull back.

I heard on a radio interview that life can be a balancing act between going outward to connect, and then going inward to re-connect. Neither energy is wrong. Both are desirable.

One cannot always be in a constant state of connection with others. At one point, frequently, one has to dis-engage and re-coup. Be with oneself.

I found myself feeling high-strung and hyper-sexual in a way that felt ungrounded. This after higher-than-normal-for-me online presence on sex sites. Knowing that various other activities ground me, like playing my newfound ukulele, I decided to make a goal that I would practice my ukulele for an hour before viewing - for 10 minutes only. A goal I could stick with for one week.

The bonus of improving on the uke also had the intended calming effect. I felt more present to some of the other things and beings that are important.

Goals are written on a phone app (my current command center). I peruse it several times a day for lists and communications.

This week the goals are yoga stretches for 20 min and self-love poetry. Other weeks they've been gratitude recollections and what I call emotional blue-printing. Little course corrections.

enjoying a lake not far away

plowing

canadian guytop on dudes nude, with permission

There's something innately hot about plowing, or topping someone. They are giving up one of the most vulnerable parts of them to you. You are experiencing them at their very center.

Aaargghh! A picture like this gets me going. It's grainy character only adds to the curiosity, giving it a pseudo-clandestine-activity feeling. Thanks for posting. Woof!

wedding ideas

The man of my dreams just returned from a male-male wedding in New Mexico. We'll be attending another ceremony of two good friends shortly, which has me thinking about weddings.

How would I do the details? This article from MSN got me thinking about some specifics.

Among my highlights:

• personalize the I do's
• cool location - preferably outside with a great view
• plan the music precisely - from live classical to dance for everyone
• gift something for our guests - personalized

• seats in a circle - surrounded by love
• pot a tree together in the ceremony
• toast to each other
• parade-style procession with band to altar - with everyone
• inner ceremony, then outer ceremony

One day soon I want to marry my man. It's legal now in Washington!