opening up

"[Monogamous] couples [are] 'the most stable form of relationship and also the most prone to stagnation, rigidity, and self-delusion.'" From Tristan Taormino's book, Opening up, A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships, quoting Raven Kaldera's book Pagan Polyamory.

"One of the benefits of having more than one partner is that there's more than one person to call you on your shit.... Members of a couple can grow quite comfortable with the dysfunctional patterns of their dynamic - there's no one around to say, 'I notice that you avoid this topic whenever it comes up.' When another person enters the mix, it can really shake things up...

"When one person tells you something about yourself, you can ignore it more easily - you can think it is just their opinion or chalk it up to misperception. But when two people who know you well tell you something, it's much harder to ignore, especially when it's not a friend or acquaintance from the outside, but someone in the relationship - who has deep, intimate knowledge of the players, personality, and dynamics. This level of intimacy coupled with accountability can help members of polyfidelitous relationships change and grow.

"The other side of that coin, though, is this: the more people in a relationship, the more difficult communication can become. Every member must work to stay connected to the others, so no one feels left out of the loop..."


one benefit of non-monogamy

From a member of a triad: "My husband works full time and is the main breadwinner. My wife works part-time and then throws pots part time while she tries to get her pottery business off the ground. I am a housewife. While they are out of the house, I do all of the cleaning and shopping. This frees up our collective time together. We have more free time than any of our other friends who are in traditional relationships."