men who've killed

coming out of the water

Life provides the opportunity to meet some interesting people - including guys who have killed other people, usually in connection to being in the military.

This blog post might be too "taboo" for some readers. Or just too heavy. But it's something I've thought about, and something that faces many of our excellent men called upon to do this as part of their job. Not that I agree with all the wars. This is something that most of the people they encounter are unprepared to talk about or even listen to. So many ex-soldiers end up doing one of the worst things for their well-being: never talking to anyone about a subject that is HUGE to them.

I think I have this ability to allow people to open up. And I'm inquisitive and ask non-standard questions.

Let me put the most outrageous experience first. A while back ago I hooked up with someone on grindr while at the Grand Canyon. He had recently been in the military. Yummy crew haircut. We met late at night and he drove me to a beautiful look-out point. Yeah, kinda sounds like the start to a horror movie, but it was cool. We went to a bench, and under the stars had a pretty fleshy experience. We talked a bunch before and after. He opened up about he having had to kill people while in the service. Including running over children who would not step out of the way of their tanks - children put there by their parents, some of them with explosives. He wouldn't say how many he'd killed, but he did say that it was a lot. Men of the opposing army shooting at him mostly.

He talked about his job later as security for a store. And how he'd apprehended a young thief and brought him down to the ground, accidentally breaking his nose and creating a frightful bloody scene for the other shoppers. He explained that he'd been trained to kill, and had killed before, so scaling back his automatic techniques to just apprehending a person was taking some adaptive consciousness. Wow. I felt for him. And awed at the variety of our human experience.

Next is an international man I met at work. I first noticed him scoping me out in the break room. Smiley. Built. Always a little bit of attraction tension, but never did anything. Over months I got to know him and we'd google things about his country. Come to find out he'd served in his country's army and had also shot and killed invading soldiers. I asked him how he felt then, and now. He said that it was a part of his job, that all men his age were required to enlist, and that if he wouldn't have shot them, they would have shot him. (Notice he didn't say how he felt.) He seemed to have adapted, and had calming social skill and manner. I too felt safe around him.

I've met others too, and had the initmate experience of talking about this phenomena. Two other men I met through work. Conversed quietly and in confidence. How it's impacted their life. They've done remarkably well I marvel.

In another life as a missionary (another story for another time), I met with thousands of people in their homes. I can remember chills going up my spine as a woman talked of stabbing to death her abusive husband. The energy of that night came back into her eyes, the anger and single-mindedness, and while I was not afraid for my safety, I was creeped out, and wanted out.

A central-american gangster who had killed a few on the streets of L.A., and who loved talking to us. Another immigrant refugee who'd escaped with his life after taking many others. Mothers who had traveled to the U.S. illegally, been raped by their coyotes (name for their transporters) enroute, and witnessed crimes involving death.


The subject of death is one that I work with frequently. Whether it's a young man who's tried to kill himself, or a middle or older-aged person who's just been given a few more weeks to live with a terminal diagnosis, or the new man ordered to pull the trigger or keep driving, these magnificent people touch me. I think about them. There has to be a certain ability, among some, to speak about the unspeakable.