judging

Yesterday family were trying to push a bunch of candies on me. I declined. They insisted. And insisted. And insisted. I explained that I'm on day 151 of no sugar. Why? You're always on some weird food experiment. Why are you doing that? Well - I'm trying to reach 365 days without any processed sugar. I still do eat mango, and honey, and maple, etc. Why?...

They rolled their eyes. But you're so skinny. You don't need that. They were just getting started... so I stopped them with a silly cliché - don't judge me please! - and a little smile. They stopped. They saw what they were doing.

Instead they might have said, I'm concerned about... That's a novel idea... Have you considered...? Tell me more about... What is motivating you...?


Our modern society often teaches us to judge in our speech. "That's nice." "It's too much." "You're slow at that." "I hate it." "He's so smart." We label almost everything as "good" or "bad" (thank you judeo-christianity). In it's most violent forms it results in name-calling like: stupid, essentric, angel, stud, weirdo. Even with people at work I'm astounded. When modern people get angry, or react spontaneously, frequently the first thing out of their mouths is a judgement.

At the bottom of this is people's feelings, concerns, emotions. Why not say instead: I'm feeling... [sad, happy, jealous, angry, afraid...]. We're trained to speak judgements. But underneath of that mask are natural human wants and fears. I'd rather hear those!

Judgements tend to close and stop communication. So instead of passing out judgement, it might serve us to be open to hearing different viewpoints, hearing what is in people's hearts. We just might find out that other viewpoints are very much like the ones we have.